Saturday, December 31, 2005

Aww, You Shouldn't Have!


Sampson couldn't believe there wasn't a bone in this box for him...I couldn't believe there wasn't any sparkly bling in there for me! My romantically challenged husband instead got me a blow up exercise ball despite copious hints for bling.

What the hell?! I have seriously underrated his training and must start him on the remedial program right away. I thought I had this all cleared up after the 2001 incident where we discussed NEVER buying me any gifts that can be plugged in.

Sampson's Top Five Resolutions for 2006

  1. Stop waking up before 5:30am...seems to make mommy a bit snarky.
  2. Get more treats by acting even cuter (probably not possible, but hey, gotta flaunt it while I'm young).
  3. Join the Lab Union I've heard so much about in order to increase wages (bones) and get more paid vacation (walks).
  4. Steal more slippers to pile up next to my bed. As long as I don't eat them, mommy think it's adorable and I get more treats.
  5. Somehow stop the fat orange thing mommy calls "kitty" from sleeping in my bed!

P.S. Stop barking at the pizza man. I'm only supposed to bark at strangers and since the pizza man is here so often I've been told he's no longer a stranger.

Get A Life

Hmm, last day of 2005 - feels a little weird. It's been a lonely, lonely year.

We've been living in Ohio for about a year and a half and haven't made any REALLY good friends - you know, the kind of friends you can just hang with on a Friday night, not care that you're wearing sweats and play poker, Euchre and a bunch of silly board games (I love Scattergories), while eating a bunch of crap and drinking too much.

We had those kind of friends in upstate NY where we lived for three years. We moved to NY from MD which I hated to leave. I did NOT want to go to NY, especially since I hate winter. Boy, you don't know winter until you've lived in upstate NY. Woo hoo, I'd be happy when I saw the ground in April! But, NY turned out to be wonderful because of the great people we met, the wonderful yellow lab we rescued and the amazing autumns that just took your breath away with their colors.
My husband's job causes us to move every few years - good for his career but sucks to leave friends. I'm sure if we had kids we'd make friends a lot quicker but that's not an option. I also miss the self worth I didn't realize I had until I stopped having a "career". I just got tired of the whole process of finding prospective jobs, interviewing, working for a year or two and then having to quit. Just as I start to earn respect and gain credibility I'm walking out the door again. It was mentally exhausting so I stopped. Now I volunteer at a community college helping a professor teach English as a Second Language to students from all over the world. I like it, but it's not enough.

Resolutions for 2006
  1. Do something that makes me feel like a worthwhile human being

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Pakistan is Seriously Fucked Up

Here's the headline buried on pg. A7 today: Pakistani kills 4 daughters over 'honor'.

Yep, their daddy loved 'em so much he hadda kill em. I'm so sick of reading shit like this all the time. Same old version of man abuses woman and of course he has a GOOD reason.

This time, daddy was compelled to slit the throat of his 25 yr. old step daughter with a machete because she allegedly committed adultery. Oh, what about the other three daughters you ask, ages 8, 7 and 4? Well, dear sweet daddy didn't want them to grow up and commit adultery so he had to kill them, too! Oh yes, the 3 month old son was spared because of course HE, being a male, couldn't grow up and commit adultery. huh?

Are you kidding me? How backassward is that. Although daddy dearest was arrested, historically Pakistan has not prosecuted men who kill female family members because of their supposed "wrongs". Yep, let's just keep it all in the family and let the daddies take care of it since they know best.

Daddy remained strong and unrepentant to the end, "I told the police that I am an honorable father and I slaughtered my dishonored daughter thd the three other girls."

Sick fuck.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Christmas Angst...Right on time!

Can somebody please tell me WHY there always has to be some sort of angst at Christmastime?

You know, either Cousin Joe pissed off Uncle George in 1973 because he didn't like his homemade wine and they haven't spoken since...or, Aunt Marie thought there was a rat in the Christmas tree when it was only visiting Niece Kitty's cat and hit the tree so hard with a broom it fell over...or, Grandpa thought Cousin Jimmy was an intruder when he was sneaking back into the house after a night of partying and shot him. It was just in the leg. He's fine.




Thursday, December 22, 2005

Cut 'em off!

Spending a big 'ol Italian Christmas here in Pittsburgh (Youse ready to go downtahn? No, I want the fries IN my sammitch). Sorry, couldn't resist - I love this town! Gotta go the O and get some cheese fries!

OK, read an article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about Republican Senator Regola who wants to introduce a bill that calls for child molesters to be chemically castrated. Right on, Senator!

Statistics PROVE that child molestors will molest again and again again. There is no cure, there is no rehabilitation (other than castration, chemical or otherwise) that can prevent that. So, why do we keep letting them out of prison after only a few years??

This seriously drives me crazy. Why do we not protect our children by doing something about molesters? Just putting them in prison isn't enough - unless we don't let them out again. I know these poor mistreated molesters complain about the affects of chemical castration; how it makes them grow "man boobs", blah blah blah. Yea, I really care. How about it's that or stay the hell in prison.

Beat Saddam Harder!

I was shocked and saddened to read that Saddam now says he was beaten by the Americans. Beaten! Can you imagine. How interesting he mentions this now, after witness after witness has been testifying to torture undertaken in his name. He said nothing about being beaten when his "trial" first started, only now when he feels that he's being made to look bad. What a shame the trial isn't in Hollywood - he could lose 30 lbs, take out his piercings and call himself "Nick Richie".

What a load of crapola! I hope he was beaten! I hope some U.S. soldiers restrained him while Bush personally landed one to his crotch. boo hoo

And speaking of Saddam's "trial"...Are you freakin' kidding me? At what kind of trial is the accused permitted to stand up and rant and rave whenever he wants? At what kind of trial is the accused permitted to attend or not attend based on whether or not his feelings were hurt the day before? What a joke!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Superdog Sampson


Gack, I hate when I can't sleep! And of course it's all the damn dog's fault. Superdog Sampson decided he had to pee at 2 o'freaking clock in the morning. Why oh why? OK, now I feel a little guilty - he's a GREAT dog, I mean, look at that face!

How can you not love that face?! He's 6 yrs. old, we got him 2 yrs. ago from a rescue organization. I intended to get a watchdog/protector type since Todd travels a lot, but anyone who has ever had a lab knows that ain't gonna happen. Maybe he could lick a burglar to death or, at the very least, trip him in his hurry to greet him and invite him into the house to steal whatever he wants.

OK, when I can't sleep I like to make lists. It makes me feel like I have slight control over my life.

Reasons Why I Love Superdog Sampson
  1. The unconditional love. Despite two major knee surgeries that caused him to miss what he loves most (after food) for months - his daily walks.
  2. He never holds a grudge. I also have two cats - I know grudges! Even if I leave him for a few hours which is the thing he hates most (after not receiving food when he wants it), he's still so darn happy.
  3. He wakes up happy. Every damn day. So happy to see ME as soon as he opens his eyes. Drives Todd insane that I am his favorite human.
  4. He gets me out of the house. Even when it's minus fucking two degrees he insists on his daily walk.
  5. He hates water. What lab hates water? We live on a lake but this dog has no interest in getting in the water for which I am extremely grateful I don't have to clean his wet ass up everyday. Of course, not wanting to go outside to pee in the rain (he'd never dream of pooping while it's raining out - please people!) is a tad annoying. For some reason he refuses to use the back door to go outside when it's raining and will only use the front door. Whatever.

OK, to be fair I also have two cats, Hobbes and Spenser. I had them before we were married, much to Todd's dismay. It's almost amusing now how he pretended to like them while we were dating.

Reasons Why I Love My Cats

  1. Their fur is soft when they allow me to pet them without swatting, hissing or biting.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Untold Stories of the ER

Anyone ever watch "Untold Stories of the ER" on TLC? Whenever there isn't anything else on (read Grey's Anatomy, My Name is Earl, Arrested Development), I find myself strangely drawn to this way over the top show full of bad actors trying to act like good doctors.

I mean, where else can you see a huge cockroach stuck in someone's ear that when pulled out manages to dive down the doctor's shirt so that he starts stripping in the exam room; a voo doo ceremony performed to rid a woman of a curse (OK, they didn't call it a curse but something far more sinister and terrifyingly stupid that I can't remember); or a band of gypsies arguing who would get the "King's" bandana (I couldn't make this up if I tried) and be the next King should the King (whom I'm sure they loved very much) die that night. I was entranced by the blatant gypsy stereotyping - flowing, colorful clothes, bad accents, heavy makeup and a gazillion gold bangles on the women, dancing and playing music in the ER waiting room...it was fabulous! But wait, there's more. The woman proclaiming herself to be the "Queen" and her son were the only gypsies allowed in the King's room. And then in comes running another woman (granted, she was older and had on much less lipstick) saying that SHE was the Queen and the other chick was just the mistress. So there!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Tom Brokaw Rocks; Bush Sucks at giving speeches

Anyone see Tom Brokaw's special report last night "To War and Back" on NBC? I dare you to say you didn't at least tear up. Tom told about seven friends from Glen Falls, NY who joined the National Guard never expecting to go to war. Well, they did and one was killed there and three others were seriously injured. The solider that died - Nathan Brown - was sitting in the back of an open, unarmored truck that was bombed. Now his Mom can't help but wonder if he was in an armored vehicle would he have survived.

To top it all off, Nathan made a "goodbye" video to his fiancee while in Iraq - just in case he didn't make it - so she would know how much he loved her. wow

Then of course, the one who lost four fingers had to be the one that played guitar, was really good at it, and used it as an outlet for all his feelings. Now he can't play anymore.

How interesting that right after this special aired the President was on TV to talk about how we're winning the war in Iraq, be patient, be strong, blah blah blah. How ironic is that?! Am I the only one that noticed this? But note that all the soldiers said they did NOT regret being in the National Guard or serving their country in Iraq and that they would do it again.

And, God, he such a bad speaker! When I see Bush talking with a reporter unscripted, he comes across as confident and humorous, but when he gives these prepared speeches I can't even process what he's saying because I'm so freaked out by his weird pauses. I just cringe when he stumbles over words, or worse, makes them up. Oh, by the way, I AM a Republican but that doesn't mean I have to love every thing and every decision the President makes.

I do happen to agree with Bush that a timetable for bringing home the troops can't be announced. Why not just send the insurgents an engraved invitation - on this date you can begin wreaking even more havoc 'cause we'll be gone!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Do you know all the Fruit of the Loom characters?



OK, I waste a lot of time - I'm the first to admit it. Some people can't get a particular song out of their head; I can't stop thinking about what fruit the fourth Fruit of the Loom guy is supposed to be.

Apple is obvious, as is Green Grapes guy and Purple Grapes guy - but what fruit is Ugly Brown Leafy guy supposed to be?? My husband insists he is a tobacco leaf but I say no way would the upstanding FotL company have anything to do with tobacco. Plus, tobacco isn't a fruit dumbass! (OK, I didn't call him "dumbass" to his face but I thought it.)

So in my inordinate amount of free time, I surfed around and found not only the true identity of Ugly Brown Leafy guy, but complete bios on each one!! See, that means I can't be the only one with an unhealthy interest in them.

OK, I'll give you some time to guess what Ugly Brown Leafy guy is before posting his identity...!

Friday, December 16, 2005


Grow Up Peter Pan!

Geez Louise are you kidding me?! Cathy Rigby is STILL, yes STILL, playing the Lost Boy at the age of fifty-freaking-one. She has been doing the role for THIRTY years people. Am I the only one that finds this a little creepy? How are kids supposed to believe in the magic of Neverland when it isn't even credible to them that Pan is a boy let alone male!
Supposedly, this latest play in Los Angeles will be her last. Sure, sure.



Reasons Rigby say she's now ready to give up the role:

  • She acknowledges that at 51 it is getting harder to fly
  • The sword fights with Capt. Hook are taking their toll, including one that resulted in a stab wound in her leg on opening night
  • The real reason (she says): Well, she can't exactly put her finger on it except to say it's time to do other things

Yea, that's right Cathy -It IS time to do other things like oh, I don't know, act female and grown up.

Sean Hayes as 'Lil Snow! Who Knew?

OK, the secret has finally been revealed today, the twelfth day of Ellen's Twelve Days of Christmas...The person dancing (quite unimaginitively) in the 'Lil Snow costume was Sean Hayes from Will and Grace. See, I really thought it was going to be a chick due to the ostentatious bling around 'Lil Snow's neck. Of course, the bling was a big 'ol rhinestone necklace spelling out "'Lil Snow" so I probably should of guessed a rapper.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Ellen's Twelve Days of Christmas

KAAAAAAAAA! KAA! KAAA! KAA! OK, watching a little too much Ellen and had to get that out. Tomorrow is the twelfth day of Christmas and we find out who 'Lil Snow is! Last year was Justin Timberlake which was extremely disappointing. Maybe we'll get lucky this year - Matthew McConaughy or George Clooney would do it for me. Kevin Federline would be scraping the bottom of the barrel, but I don't think Ellen would do that to us.