Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Bitch from Virginia

Ah ha! I remember what I was going to post about yesterday before I got so distracted by peanut butter... My bestest buddy Kira is coming to visit - yippee!

We've been friends for about 15 years every since we met at the Big Established Good 'Ol Boy Insurance Company that she still works for and I can't convince her to leave...Actually, she still works there because they pay her a lot of damn money for making her move every two years. I've calculated that between her moves and my Husband's company making us move every two years, in approximately 2010 we should be within about 3 hours of each other. OK, I suck at math so I was really just making that up. Wishful thinking that we ever might live in the same town again. Oh, the good all days of giving ourselves manis and pedis while watching Melrose Place and gossiping about everyone we know, sigh.

Anyhoo, we're going to do the Total Girls Weekend thing complete with a spa day. The "spa day" is actually a big joke between us since something terrible always happens to one of us when we go together, yet we persist in this dangerous yet addictive behavior. Last time it was Kira's turn. While in rooms next to each other having facials I hear a thud and then a scream. Knowing my friend so well, I know that was not her screaming so it had to have been her asthetician. Hmm, are her eyebrows really that scary? I mean sure, it's been weeks since she waxed them but really! When I'm done I find Kira in the reception room holding a big ice bag on her face. Apparently, during her facial the light by the cot fell on her face! (Her asthetician screamed in horror upon seeing the big 'ol lump above her eye - and I'm sure was afraid she'd get sued.) And get this, do you think they give her the facial for free? Nooooooooo, they give her a stupid $25 gift card - worthless since she doesn't even live in the freaking state and neither one of us are going back there anyway! She ended up with a black eye and no one at work believed her spa story. They were SURE she was being abused...OH, did we laugh over martinis...

My spa story isn't so dramatic. I just didn't know that there were certain lotions and potions you apparently cannot put on your face within 3 days of having a brow wax. When you do, it causes your skin to come off along with the brow hair. OUCH! But more importantly, I looked like some kind of circus clown on meth...I had these very odd comma shaped red patches underneath my eyebrows where about 3 layers of skin were missing. After a couple of days the skin there turned brown and came off in one big piece. Cool. AND, I didn't have to pay for the brow massacre since the asthetician forgot to ask me if I had used any of the "banned" lotions/potions on my face within 3 days.

Yep, she's a great friend even if she is a size ZERO. Yes, that's right. There is such a size and she's proof. I love to hate her. Can you imagine shopping with this chick? We actually had to go to Limited Too one time to find shorts that would fit her. Bitch. Yep, blonde, green eyes, size 0 and she has Big Boobs. I'm surprised she has any friends at all. Here's a picture so you all can hate her, too. Yes, again we are drinking martinis but I don't happen to have any pictures of us when we're not...

Funny thing about Kira...she thinks Big Brother is always watching her. Meaning, she's convinced her company regularly reads her email. I'm not saying they don't, but I think by now she'd know if they were. Just to drive her crazy, when we working there I would send her emails where I repeatedly wrote the word VODKA in about 36 point type and talked about all the sex she was having with her 10 boyfriends. She would freak out, immeditely delete the email and then go and delete it from her recycle bin. Yea, like that was gonna really get rid of it. Then she would call me and beg me NEVER to do that again. Oh, it was just too easy.

So, I'll be sure to post on Monday and you let know about any spa injuries. Afterall, it is my turn, fair is fair.

7 Comments:

Blogger Lisa said...

Have fun at the spa... STAY SAFE! lol..

1/28/2006 1:57 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

You're brave to go. You better post Monday, or we'll all think they put you in one of those head-to-toe seaweed wraps and forgot about you...

1/28/2006 7:52 AM  
Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

Have a great time! I can't wait to hear every teeny tiny detail!
LadyBug

1/28/2006 10:42 AM  
Blogger Suz said...

LOL @ the email. Your friendship with Kira sounds wonderful and fun.

I hope you are having a wonderful weekend with her.

Hugs Suz

1/28/2006 12:44 PM  
Blogger JuliaR said...

And people wonder why I have no desire to go to a spa.

Manwhile, those martinis look pretty tasty! Too bad I'm on the wagon until I lose 20 pounds. It's my own rule so I have only myself to blame.

1/28/2006 1:00 PM  
Blogger kdubs said...

AWwwww very cute. My best friend is like that. Stunning. Yup. She was a model. Yup. Stunning. LOL.....

1/28/2006 8:22 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Have a great time! Everyone needs a girlfriend like Kira!

1/29/2006 5:21 PM  

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