Monday, March 27, 2006

Let Her Go Already

Did anyone see the NBC interview last night where Matt Lauer talked to Michael Schiavo (Terry Schiavo's husband)?

I was really irritated with Matt. He didn't show one iota of empathy to Michael. In fact, he seemed to be ttacking the man's decision to remove his wife's life support. He questioned Michael on whether Terry had "meant it" when she told him that she didn't want to be kept alive if anything had ever happened to her.

How can anyone answer such a hypothetical question? My husband and I have discussed this issue like probably every married couple and have both told each other, "pull the plug" if there is no hope beyond a persistent vegetative state. Who wants to live like that?? So if something should happen, God Forbid, am I supposed to second guess what he told me and wonder if he really meant it?

This whole issue is coming up again because both Michael and Terry's parents have books coming out within one day of each other. I think it's wrong for her parents to insist they would know what their daughter wanted even if she told her husband something different. I think about my relationship with my husband and there are definitely many subjects that we discuss that I have never discussed with my parents even though we are close. My parents know me as a "daughter" which is very different from knowing someone as a "spouse". Yet her parents had to get the President of the United States to interfer with a husband and wife's relationship. In the end, an autopsy confirmed that Terry would never recover and would always be in a vegetative state despite what her parents said.
The whole thing is just sad and I can't believe the debate is going to have to happen yet again because both sides had to write books about it for some unknown reason. No one can let this poor woman rest in peace.


Blogger Dawn said...

Because of all of this I am thankful that my husband and I know where we each stand on the subject and so do our parents.

I respect my husband's parents and he repect's my parents and should anything ever happen to either one of us I want our parents to still be a part of our lives. It's hard enough going through hards times and it's worst without the support of family. Should anything ever happen to me I just hope and pray that my husband will respect my parents thoughts and will talk with them about any issues dealing with me, but at the same time I have expressed my wishes to my family also. That way if anything happens to me they can be there for him, just as he can be there for them too.

It's just a sad thing imo.

3/27/2006 1:48 PM  
Blogger kdubs said...

I'm with you. No dangit, do you have clips out in cyber space? I'd LOVE to see it.

Seriously, there are things you discuss with your spouse and sorry.... I hate to be cold but once you are married your spouse makes the decisions like these, not mom and dad. Sad yes but that's life.

Yeah I wish I had seen it! :(

3/27/2006 1:53 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I think every married couple and parent/child had this conversation after the whole brouhaha was over, and everyone seemed to agree that they'd want the plug pulled. I know I would!

Really, the issue is that woman's quality of life, i.e., there was none, and she had no idea what was happening. Really, it was her parents being selfish, and not thinking of what she wanted.

And Matt Lauer's a prat.

3/27/2006 2:17 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

I totally agree. Why can't they let it alone. It never should have been a public issue in the first place.

3/27/2006 2:17 PM  
Blogger Shelli said...

This is just another reminder to have a living will. It is so important to make your wishes well know before hand!

3/27/2006 4:33 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I'm with you. Even when your relationship with your parents is close, the relationship with the spouse "replaces" it in many ways. Like you say, parents often are incapable of seeing their adult children as anything but children. Spousal influence trumps parental influence. Jeez! We give an ailing dog more compassion when it's time to pull the plug than we do human beings.

3/27/2006 6:48 PM  
Blogger ellipsis... said...

Matt is so NOT a journalist. He was sneering and sarcastic and clearly baiting Michael. I'm surprised that Michael didn't halt the interview and throw him out of his home. And by the way, I have a family member who works for the Hospice where Terri finally found peace and the staff there LOVED Michael. In fact, he actually lived at the Hospice the last few weeks of Terri's life. There is so much more to the story. Michael is a heroic man.

3/27/2006 9:51 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I agree with you totally sister~friend. I am thankful that I have discusse this with my husband and our kids and other loved ones AND that I have an advanced directive.
Pllease let this woman rest in peace already!

3/28/2006 3:16 AM  
Blogger Tanya said...

I'm with you also. This story was pretty big news last year - and I'm in Australia! What bothered me was that, as I understand it, there was no plug to pull. The poor woman had to starve to death. Surely there is a more humane way to go. And here, I digress. But back to my point - I tell everyone (not as soon as I meet them but, you know, friends...) what I want so there is no doubt. Pull the plug, donate my parts to anyone who wants them, burn the rest and fertilize the ground with me. Now all of the internet knows too.

3/28/2006 5:36 AM  
Blogger Kimmy said...

I agree. I watched that interview and was very upset at Matt, too. Let her go already! Let us learn and move on. I've had a living will and power of attorney and all that since I was 20. I made my wishes known... put it in black and white and had it stamped a long time ago. It's so much easier to make the decision BEFORE anything happens.
Good rant!

3/29/2006 12:40 PM  
Blogger JuliaR said...

I have thought that if it was the same situation with me and my husband (with him in the hospital), I would probably just let his parents take over and keep him alive their way. I would bow out of the picture entirely. Even if he had given me a power of attorney with directions that he not be kept alive, actually killing him off by starving him wouldn’t be something I would want to do. Especially if I had to fight his family on it. If he was in a vegetative state, then he wouldn’t know what was happening anyway and if it made his parents happy to keep him alive, then let them do it. If he was being kept alive and “pulling the plug” would put him out of his misery, then I would pull the plug. But Terry’s situation was quite different. Sometimes I wonder if it was really about the money (the malpractice settlement). It’s usually about the money.

3/30/2006 1:09 PM  

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