Tuesday, May 09, 2006

They Make 'Em Weird in Hollydumbwood

Today is "News of the Weird" Day:

Tori "Dingbat" Spelling eloped with Dean McDermott to Fiji where they got hitched last Sunday. Whoopee! Apparently this guys really loves her a) fake boobs b) daddy's money or c) lack of brains. He tattooed "Truly, Madly, Deeply, Tori" on his wrist in a juvenile albeit permanent display of misguided affection AND tattooed her PORTRAIT (are you kidding me??) on his shoulder. Wow. This marriage will probably be over before that inking heals.

In other celebrity idiot news, Tom Cruise hit pretty much every TV entertainment show yesterday from The View to David Spade's show mocking TV entertainment shows. He was his usual gushing "I'm high on life and Scientology" self except now he has weird bangs. Hmm. Maybe Katie, excuse me, Kate as she is now to be called because according to Tom "Kate" is a woman's name and we all know he's done made her a woman now, cut his hair in a fit of anger at being left alone mere weeks after giving birth. Go home you self-aggrandizing pathetic excuse for a husband!

And let's not forget poor water logged David Blaine - I refuse to call him an "illusionist" but I will call him "a BIG publicity starved asshat". Oh, where is David Copperfield when you need him?! Despite his Count Dracula looks and catepillar eyebrows, at least he provided some actual entertainment. This guy Blaine, whew, where to start? Purposely stays in the water for 7 days straight preparing to hold his breath even though no one cares if he does or not. Prior to that, he lost 50 lbs. while training for this "stunt" so that his body would use less oxygen under water. Wha??? Before he even attempts the breath holding while freeing himself from "heavy" chains feat 'o magic, his medical team warns him that his liver is damaged and hey, his skin isn't looking too good either. But no, he says he must continue. He doesn't want to disappoint his fans, uh, fan. So, after 7 minutes - two minutes short of his goal - he begins to lose consciousness and they haul his pruny white ass up. And this was shown live people. For like two hours.

Gack

9 Comments:

Blogger kdubs said...

Your post made me laugh out loud. thanks... LOLOOL... i hate Tom.

5/09/2006 1:51 PM  
Blogger kdubs said...

oh wait.. should we call him Thomas?

5/09/2006 1:51 PM  
Blogger rpm said...

I feel the same way you do about all those celebs...I think that David guy gets what he deserves.

5/09/2006 2:47 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

tori spelling- ugh
tom cruise- ugh!!!!
david blain- semi ugh

5/09/2006 4:23 PM  
Blogger FrogLegs said...

OH! Let's call him Thomas... ! That makes me laugh. I never liked him.. ever. But I dislike him so much more now..

5/09/2006 7:13 PM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

Yeah..and they padded the event with all of his previous acts of derring-do so that, in the event of the "near drowning" failure, we'd still think he was a stud. Ah....not so much.

5/09/2006 10:11 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

They all make me sick especially Tom. Ummm hello, wife just had baby what are you doing??? Got to make sure his name is everywhere.

Yuck!

5/09/2006 10:25 PM  
Blogger Chi said...

LOL...what a funny post! I really enjoyed reading it...thanks so much for making me smile.

5/10/2006 5:31 AM  
Blogger kdubs said...

I'm still working on my site, but I've moved!! Find me, here. :)

Cheers,
Kdubs

5/10/2006 7:17 AM  

<< Home