Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Stapler Tripe

As I was using a stapler this morning - one that was nearly 20 years old - I realized my parents had given it to me that many years ago. That it had been about 20 years since I lived with them. It's really cool, only about 4 inches long, bright red plastic, very slim and trim. It has to have special mini staples that I horde carefully in the original staple box that came with it.

This stapler has been with me through 7 moves! I can't believe I haven't lost it or thrown it away since I have other bigger, regular-size staplers.
They're certainly not as fun, though. Can a stapler be sassy? This one is. I can't believe I haven't named her before now! Sassy the Stapler. No, no, I'm not drinking, not yet anyway.

But all this stapler talk has reminded me of that time 20 years ago when I graduated from college and was job hunting. Fun stuff. Ah yes, good times. Good times.

I had several interviews in Chicago, about 2 1/2 hours north of where I grew up in Bloomington (or, Gloomington if you've ever been there, you know). I was interviewing for some boring, entry-level job with an insurance company and had already been through the main interviewers. They were having me go around and talk to people that worked there to get a feel for the place. This was NOT a sales job; even at my tender age I knew I didn't have the personality for sales.

Yet, the last guy I talked to handed me his stapler and asked me to sell it to him. (You were wondering when I would ever connect a stapler to this story, right?) I stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?", I asked. "I thought this wasn't a sales job." "Oh, it's not", he said, and continued, "I probably shouldn't ask you to do this, but do your best convincing me to buy this stapler."

God, I remember that moment so clearly. It was like a lightning bolt hit me: "Do not work at this corporation. It is full of asshats." OK, I wasn't acquainted with the word "asshats" at the time, I'm sure I substituted "assholes", also good and also accurate. I did gamely try to sell him the damn stapler for whatever it was worth.

I probably did a crappy job, I don't really remember. Now, if it had been Sassy, I'm sure I could have done something with my pitch. But this was a boring corporate stapler, let's call him Stan. He was gray and dull, just like his user. ha ha.

I remember being so self-satisfied for refusing their offer of employment, twice in fact. I wasn't going to work for company of Stans!

OK, surely I deserve a drink after re-reading this tripe. You all have a good day. I may not be posting tomorrow due to a hangover.


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