Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Mother-in-Law, Part Deux

Why is there always a Part 2 with MILs?? Gah

So here's the rest of the story from yesterday...that post was getting too long - and I needed to go eat some chocolate to calm myself down - so I decided to end it there. But there's more, much much more. It's interesting to me that I'm all the sudden having some issues with my MIL now that she's only 1 1/2 hours away. When she was 800 miles away and we only saw each other 4 times a year - no problems, imagine that! Now, I've seen her 4 times in 2 months and want to smack her.

What happened is even worse than her refusing to make me chocolate cake for my birthday. My husband's parents, sister, brother-in-law, my husband, and I were all sitting around talking at my house. I had invited them all to dinner as MIL and FIL had driven up early in the day to help SIL (who lives in the same town as us) with some landscaping. Yea, sometimes I'm so nice it's ridiculous.

Things were fine. Then my husband goes outside to start grilling. It's as if MIL, FIL and SIL all the sudden shared some secret signal. As soon as my husband closed the door they started in on me out of his hearing. The basic message was that my husband "protects" me too much, i.e. "coddles" me unnecessarily. I just sat there blindsided, mouth hanging open, couldn't have been more shocked.

They tried to throw in a compliment or two to take the sting out of the assault, such as, I have turned out to be an asset to my husband's career (by hosting parties for his employees and other such crap). But then they said he should just let me stand on my own instead of doing overprotective things such as introducing me to people and staying by my side when I meet/talk to people I don't know. Wha???

Apparently, he's not letting me "grow" (I kid you not, this was actually said) by treating me so well. I'm so ashamed that I sat there and took it instead of standing up for my husband and also myself. I just couldn't believe they were saying these things and why now, we've been married almost 7 years!

As soon as my husband came back in they shut up fast. Which really pissed me off - they could say these things about both of us only to me. They knew he'd tell them to stop, actually, I have no doubt he would have told them to leave.

I guess they thought I wouldn't tell him but that's not the kind of marriage we have. After they left I went through the whole story and apologized for not standing up for him, and saying that I like and encourage the way he treats me. He just shook his head and said, "You see why I'm not close to my family." In all the years we've been married I've never understood why, but now I sure do!

Then he said the most profound thing of all..."Of all those people trying to give YOU advice on OUR marriage, how many of them are divorced?" Sure enough, ALL of them. His parents were each married to other people when they met each other, divorced and married. His sister was also married very briefly before her current marriage. The only person not in on the attack was my brother-in-law, who like my husband and myself, was never married before. Interesting, no?


<< Home