Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Redheads are Sluts

Blondes may have more fun but redheads have more S-E-X!

So says a German study which has me laughing already - who would study such a thing?? A man, of course. I want to know how the hell he got funding for such a ridiculous study. Geez, go cure cancer and leave your hair color fetishes behind, Dr. Asshat.

Supposedly Dr. Habermehl (let's just keep calling him Dr. Asshat, though) studied the sex lives of HUNDREDS of German women and matched their boudoir activity with their hair color. Gee, I wonder if he required them to videotape their bedroom "activity" for his viewing "research."

Anyway, he says, "Redheads have more partners and more sex more often than the average woman." Furthermore, "Women who color their hair red are sending signals to the opposite sex that they are looking for a partner." Hmm, I think that's total crap. Kinda saying red-haired women are promiscuous sluts, no? Why can't a woman color her hair red because she simply likes that color? And what about women born with red hair - they're already slotted for a life of bed-hopping apparently! May as well tell them this when they're 16 and let them have at, or, send them to a convent. Huh, I can't say I've ever seen a red-haired nun...

Another inane (I think) statement by Dr. Asshat: "Even women in a fixed relationship are letting their partners know that they're unhappy if they dye their hair red." How in the world can he extrapolate that from studying the amount of sex and with whom red-haired women are having it? I'd really like to give this guy a good kick in the crotch. I think he has been rejected by a red-haired woman in the past. AND, I bet his mother had red hair and was promiscuous and this is why he did the study. (Hey, Freud and I are pretty tight.) Now, if redheaded German women start mysteriously disappearing we'll all know who is behind it.

So, if I dye my hair green (the opposite of red) what does that mean? I don't like sex? I don't want any more sex?? Let's see, didn't the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz have green hair? Oh no, she was just green. Well, she probably wasn't getting any because of THAT anyway. But good 'ol Glinda did have red hair! So maybe she was gettin' it on with the Wizard behind the curtain? Or, what about all those monkeys! Oooh, hot monkey sex!

Actually, the monkeys in the movie always scared me when I was little. OK, they still do. Shhh


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