Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thirteen Sucky Holiday Foods

Thirteen Sucky Holiday Foods

There's always the bad with good.

  1. Candy Canes. Despite retailers oh so cleverly coming up with shapes from reindeer to rhinoceroses, I still don't like them. If I'm going to have peppermint, it's going to be peppermint schnapps in cocoa.

  2. Fruit Cake. Pulease! You knew it had to be on the list, right?

  3. Canned Cranberry Sauce. Gack. Why would you eat cranberry gelatin when you already have Aunt Mathilda's lovely jello mold studded with the fruit that was in the sale bin last week? One gelatinous mess per table ought to be a rule and really, do you want to eat anything that comes out of a mold??

  4. Prunes. OK, could just be my family but prunes always seem to make an appearance at the holidays. Oh, and putting powdered sugar over the tops of them still doesn't make me want to eat them, Aunt Gertie. I eat enough high fiber cereal that prunes are NOT necessary.

  5. Green Bean Casserole. Oh yeah, I said it! I know some of you are saying, "But I love that!" right now. Grow up.

  6. Peeps Snowmen. Never met a peep I didn't want to smush so hard between my fingertips that its head popped off.

  7. A Tie: Green Spearmint Jellies & Brach's Starlite Spearmint Mints. Ick, ack, gack.

  8. Eggnog. I can't believe I'm saying this, but there can't possibly be enough alcohol in there to make me drink thick, egg-flavored goop.

  9. Plum Pudding. You know what's in there, right? Ever heard of suet? "The hard fatty tissue about the loins and kidneys of beef, sheep, etc., used in cooking or processed to yield tallow."

  10. Brussel Sprouts. Not real food, people, not even with butter!

  11. Anything "Lite" or Fat-Free. If you can't indulge at the holidays, well then you might as well just kill yourself since you'll never find any joy life ever again.

  12. Fake Mashed Potatoes. You know, the kind made with the dehydrated potato "flakes." Yeah, talk to my mother-in-law. Only made the mistake of eating them once.

  13. Applesauce From a Jar. Ok, it's the one time of the year where you can pick up enough apples off the ground from your neighbor's tree to fill a car, why would you eat it from a jar?
I'm sure everyone has a not so favorite dish that shows up every year - share yours!

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