Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thirteen Things I Couldn't Give a Crap About

Thirteen Things I Couldn't Give a Crap About

  1. Election 2006. I'm so over you. Can we just be done with all the ridiculous posturing? And could John Kerry, who isn't running for anything, please be a man and apologize in person, instead of on his website (gah!), for saying if you're stupid you end up as a U.S. soldier. Yeah, yeah, I know it was supposed to be a joke he flubbed, he still sucks.

  2. TV Networks. You piss me off again and again and I've always taken you back. It's over, I went to the library and stocked up. Screw you and your stupid new shows that suck or that you don't give a chance and cancel after 4 episodes just when ya hooked me. Bastards.

  3. Rude Customer Service People. I've had it. I've already started my letter writing campaign. Anytime I encounter rude service your company will get a lovely little missive from moi. Bite me.

  4. Christmas. We just passed Halloween and already the decorations are up and the carols are starting. I used to love ya, but you commercialized the bejeezus out of yourself and now you just annoy the crap outta me. I can't wait for you to be over.

  5. Christmas Present Buying Crowds. Not even attempting to fight with you this year. I concede, especially after that nasty tug-o-war incident with the sweater in 2001. I'm buying everything online this year. See ya, asshats!

  6. Britney Spears, Kevin Federline, and Whatever The Hell The New Baby's Name is. Please, please, for the love of a good mama, can we just have one night of entertainment TV "news" without either of you on it?

  7. Nicole Richie. Ditto. And, you're stupid. If you would just give the papparazzi one picture of you eating a flippin' Ding Dong this whole mess would just go away.

  8. My Mother-in-Law. Seriously, woman, you're pushing my Bitch button hard. How do you not know the one, most important, rule of Christmas? You never, evah, give more than one person the same goddamn list!! Now, two of us have bought you the same thing. Guess what, you're getting two sets of sheets and I will act all surprised when you open them both.

  9. Stupid People. Really, you just cannot keep expecting me to show empathy for you when you screw up again and again. Like you, Mr. Former Inmate who opted to take his daughter trick-or-treating in your old prison jumpsuit and then wondered why you got hauled off to jail because they thought you were an escapee. Do you not watch Prison Break for tips on how to make it on the outside??

  10. The FDA. You're the most screwed up organization out there. Wine is bad. Wine is good. Chocolate is fattening. Chocolate has antioxidants! You're stupid. You're still stupid and we don't trust ya, see #9.

  11. Celebrities Adopting Children From Poor Countries. What the hell is wrong with all the children in the U.S. that need homes? Because there are thousands. Why must you parade your entourage around poor countries creating havoc and media sensation? For every child you adopt from another country you must adopt two from the U.S.

  12. Crack Drivers. You know who you are - you who dare to type on your stupid Crackberries while driving. Stop driving while doing crack!! You cause accidents and God help you the day one of your crack-toting asses hits me.

  13. That's all I've got. Tell me your #13 in comments!

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