Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A Love Letter

Dear Donald Trump,

You, sir, are a fuckwad asshat of the highest order. I am, in fact, making you King Fuckwad Asshat since you are so enamored of titles and women with big boobs who have them. While we all appreciate you letting poor misunderstood big-boobied Miss USA off the hook, we are a little fuzzy on why you had to hold a televised press conference to do so. Hmm, what’s that? You wanted the world to see what a kind and generous leader you are?

See, here’s what’s wrong with that, King Ding Dong of the Bad Coiffure. You are not the Moral Police of whom all must bow down to. In fact, last I checked you're pretty much a manwhore. Let’s recap your moral past, shall we? Got married to Ivana, fucked around, left her and the kids for someone younger. Got married to Marla, fucked around, left her and the kid for someone younger. Got married to Melania, had a kid and do I really need to go on because we all know what’s coming.

So my point, King Fish Lips, is that you’re really not in a position to be judging someone else’s morality now are you? Really, you ought to be ashamed. Making this poor girl go into rehab. She doesn’t have a problem! She’s from Kentucky for the love of dog! That would make anyone go a little crazy in the Big Red Apple – how could she not take a bite outta that? So what if she was seen frenching Miss Teen USA – that makes for really good publicity. I guarantee the ratings for the next Miss USA and Miss Teen pageants will go way up. In fact, you should be giving her a nice bonus.

I would, Mr. Blowhard Combover with the very small penis, appreciate it if in the future you could give me more notice of when you plan to act like a pompous asshat on television so I can be sure to Tivo it.

Good day. I said, Good day!

P.S. I'd like to go on record as completely disagreeing with Trumphat's decision to give Miss PartyGirl a second chance. This is someone who has known the rules from day one and been told very clearly that she is a role model to young girls. I feel very sorry for young women today who are bombarded by this bevy of drunk, stoned, underwearless sluts as who they are supposed to look up to.

P.P.S. Trumpalumpa Ding Dong is suing Rosie! Oh, it's too good, it's too good! I don't know if you saw The View yesterday, but Rosie totally went off on Don-Don and now he's suing her. I'm not sure what for since she basically just called him a bunch of names like "snake oil salesman." I think he went way too far by saying this, "
Rosie is somebody out of control who really just doesn’t have it and she ought to be careful because I’ll send one of my friends to pick up her girlfriend and I think it would be very easy.” WTF?? Is he saying he's going to have Rosie's girlfriend Kelly bumped off, or that he's going to have someone try to seduce her?? What a total ass!

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