Sunday, June 25, 2006

Where's Your Moral Compass?

Anyone see Sunday night's Dateline? This story was also in the news about 2 weeks ago.

SIX different parties of climbers left another climber to die because if they stopped to help him, they would have to go back down Mt. Killamanjaro with him instead of climbing to the summit. This was after his own climbing party declared him dead due to severe altitude sickness, abandoned him, and went on to climb the summit. Rather than help this man, a fellow human being, they just left him sitting in the snow with no tent, food or supplies. Then six different groups passed him and didn't stop to help, because God forbid they don't reach the precious summit.

Then, miraculously, another climber came upon the near dead man and did stop, and did help. And they both made it alive down the mountain.

How does this happen? How can people be so selfish that they would rather let a person die than not make it to the top of a stupid mountain?? I truly cannot comprehend this. If anyone out there can, let's hear it.

See Ya Next Week!

Have a great week. I'll be eager to catch up on everyone's blogs when I return. You know, read about people and things I'm interested in instead of being forced to have awkward conversations with strangers.

See ya next Monday!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Begone Leeches!

Here is why you should feel sorry for me...

Beginning Monday I will be in the Bahamas for a week. I know, I know, you're scratching your head and saying wha??

But here's the deal; it's a work trip for my Husband which spouses are required to attend. So that's my first problem - anytime any asshat corporation tells me I have to do something, and I don't work for them - I get my hackles up.

Yes, free trip blah blah blah. But, we just went to the Bahamas 2 years so the destination doesn't make up for the fact that it is a Company Trip. I know I'm an ungrateful beeaytch, but these command corporate wife performances drive me seriously nutty. I'm a shy person and it's torture to have to make inane conversation with people I'll see maybe once a year, if that.

And, it's not like they're interested in meeting me. They just want to talk to my husband, the co-host of the event, to see what he can do for them. They're like leeches that latch onto him and just keep sucking and sucking. Then they'll look me up and down like I'm a piece of meat they're considering buying and I'm just supposed to stand there and smile.

I usually explode mid-week (privately to poor Husband) at these things at which point he buys me a nice piece of jewelry to shut me up, so at least I have that to look forward to!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Thursday Thirteen - Pet Names

Thirteen Pet Names

OK, I had nothing interesting for this Thursday, so I looked up the top 13 dog and cat names (male and female). They're from

Top 13 DOG Names
  1. Max
  2. Jake
  3. Buddy
  4. Maggie
  5. Bear
  6. Molly
  7. Bailey
  8. Shadow
  9. Sam (my dog's name is Sampson so I guess this is close enough)
  10. Lady
  11. Sadie
  12. Lucky
  13. Rocky
Was your dog's name on the list??

OK, now for the kitties Top 13

  1. Tigger
  2. Tiger
  3. Max
  4. Smokey
  5. Sam
  6. Kitty
  7. Sassy
  8. Shadow
  9. Simba
  10. Patch
  11. Lucky
  12. Misty
  13. Sammy

1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Deep Thoughts with Bucky Kat

Even if you don't read the "Get Fuzzy" comic strip by Darby Conley, most likely you can still relate to this nugget from Bucky Kat (a one-fanged siamese).

"Indeed, I am so far out of sane that you appear a tiny blip on the distant coast of sanity."

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Stapler Tripe

As I was using a stapler this morning - one that was nearly 20 years old - I realized my parents had given it to me that many years ago. That it had been about 20 years since I lived with them. It's really cool, only about 4 inches long, bright red plastic, very slim and trim. It has to have special mini staples that I horde carefully in the original staple box that came with it.

This stapler has been with me through 7 moves! I can't believe I haven't lost it or thrown it away since I have other bigger, regular-size staplers.
They're certainly not as fun, though. Can a stapler be sassy? This one is. I can't believe I haven't named her before now! Sassy the Stapler. No, no, I'm not drinking, not yet anyway.

But all this stapler talk has reminded me of that time 20 years ago when I graduated from college and was job hunting. Fun stuff. Ah yes, good times. Good times.

I had several interviews in Chicago, about 2 1/2 hours north of where I grew up in Bloomington (or, Gloomington if you've ever been there, you know). I was interviewing for some boring, entry-level job with an insurance company and had already been through the main interviewers. They were having me go around and talk to people that worked there to get a feel for the place. This was NOT a sales job; even at my tender age I knew I didn't have the personality for sales.

Yet, the last guy I talked to handed me his stapler and asked me to sell it to him. (You were wondering when I would ever connect a stapler to this story, right?) I stared at him, dumbfounded. "What?", I asked. "I thought this wasn't a sales job." "Oh, it's not", he said, and continued, "I probably shouldn't ask you to do this, but do your best convincing me to buy this stapler."

God, I remember that moment so clearly. It was like a lightning bolt hit me: "Do not work at this corporation. It is full of asshats." OK, I wasn't acquainted with the word "asshats" at the time, I'm sure I substituted "assholes", also good and also accurate. I did gamely try to sell him the damn stapler for whatever it was worth.

I probably did a crappy job, I don't really remember. Now, if it had been Sassy, I'm sure I could have done something with my pitch. But this was a boring corporate stapler, let's call him Stan. He was gray and dull, just like his user. ha ha.

I remember being so self-satisfied for refusing their offer of employment, twice in fact. I wasn't going to work for company of Stans!

OK, surely I deserve a drink after re-reading this tripe. You all have a good day. I may not be posting tomorrow due to a hangover.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Idiots Abound

Geez Louise I'm a'gettin' up on my soapbox again...

Two "brilliant" high school seniors put quotes from Adolf Hitler underneath their yearbook pictures. This caused much outrage among some parents who recognized the quotes and were offended. I'm not going to write what the quotes were because 1) that's not the point and 2) I refuse to publicize any bit of crap Herr Asshat said.

The point is the unbelievable reaction of the students who did this - real stand up guys for sure. I predict they're not going to be able to cut it in college and will be back under momma's wing by the end of the first semester.

First we have Ding Dong #1, Christopher Koulermos (no problem publishing his name because he's just stupid, not a genocidal manic). When the Richmond Times-Dispatch called to ask him to comment on the uproar he caused he said, "There was no intent to be offensive in any way. It shouldn't have gone where it did. THEY should have edited it out."

Excuse me?!! THEY should have edited it out? Gee, what he's really saying is he takes NO responsibility for choosing to put an offensive quote by his picture. And, if it was offensive, hey, THEY should have removed it so that HE didn't get in trouble. Wow, this is a real class act, people. He's going to really go far in the world by trying to blame other people for his mistakes.

Then we have Ding Dong #2, Philip Compton. His daddy rushed to his defense: "He is not anti-Semitic; he has plenty of Jewish friends." Wait, it gets better. "Anti-Semitism is not something that is on his plate. Right now, he is concerned about graduating; prom is a biggie."

GAH! In other words, "Hey, leave my poor misunderstood boy alone. He's got important things on his mind like renting a tux and figuring out how to get his prom date's dress off."

I have to believe how these boys were raised has a lot to do with both their failure to act in good taste by putting the quotes in the yearbook in the first place, and their inability to act like decent human beings and apologize to those they offended. It's truly sad that they obviously don't comprehend how abhorrent and disrespectful their behavior was. Shame on them and shame on their parents for failing to raise more enlightened children.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Worthless Creatures

Worthless! Completely, utterly irresponsible.

Afterall, it IS their duty as cats to keep the house pest-free, but nooooooooooo, this is apparently too much to ask. Too much from the one that feeds them, keeps their litter clean, pets them and gives them all sorts of tasty-bad-for-them treats that they love.

In return, I just want a bug-free house. No spiders, no flies, no creepy crawlies whatsoever. But they think it's more important to nap every 15 minutes and meow for food the rest of the time. There are two flies in the house that are driving me crazy. And, OK, I admit I'm too lazy to go upstairs and get the flyswatter, but why should I have to?? I have two perfectly good, albeit fat, felines whose job it is to take care of this pesky problem.

Instead, this is what I get. No respect and blank stares. Flies? What flies? we don't see any flies...snore snore snore. mphumpf, what woke us? Flies? No, I think it was hunger...MEOW, MEOW, MEOW...we demand food.

Friday, June 16, 2006

You Don't Say

Saw this at Libra Girl's If Life Were Perfect, and thought it was really interesting.

What one word do you think describes me? Leave it in the comments then copy and paste this into your blog so I can leave a one word comment about you.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Thursday Thirteen - Recipe

Thirteen Steps to Make the Best Toffee Ever!

I get rave reviews and requests for the recipe whenever I make this toffee. People can't believe how easy it is.

Chocolate Almond Toffee

  1. 3 sticks butter
  2. ¾ cups white sugar
  3. 3 T. water
  4. 3 T. corn syrup
  5. 1 cup sliced or chopped toasted almonds*
  6. 3-4 cups chocolate chips (I like to mix semi-sweet and milk)
  7. Spray a jelly roll/baking sheet (use the kind with sides) with nonstick spray
  8. Sprinkle baking sheet with approx. 1 ½ cups of chocolate chips and ½ cup of almonds.
  9. In a large sauce pan (I use a glass one) boil butter, sugar, water and corn syrup to hard crack stage (it will form a hard thread when a couple of drops are put into cold water). Only stir occasionally during first 5 minutes, then just let it boil on its own. I put the stove on medium-high heat and it takes approx. 15 mins. You know it's done when it turns a caramel color - much darker than the butter yellow when you first begin.
  10. Pour toffee on top of chips and almonds. Immediately sprinkle remaining chocolate chips and almonds on top.
  11. Let cool about 5 mins. and then put it in the refrigerator to harden for at least 30 mins.
  12. *Optional – you can toast the almonds in a 350 degree oven on baking sheet for approx. 8-10 mins. until golden brown before using them in this recipe if you wish.

  13. EAT! This stuff is addictive. Husband calls it my Crack Toffee.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Where I am From

A few weeks ago I saw amazing "Where I am From" posts on Straddling the Line and Plain Simple English.

I thought it was so brave of them and their posts were beautifully written. I wrote one myself, but haven't posted it until now because it is negative. Yet, it was what came to me first when I sat down to write, it is where I'm from. I don't think I'm that person anymore - that's where I am from, but not where I am now. I'm still waiting, but I'm a lot happier with who I am.

Where I am From

I am from corn and soybeans, from lots of green but no trees.

I am from broken English, simmering spaghetti sauce and baking bread that makes mouths water.

I am from mother, father, and brother who talk but don’t say anything. I am from latchkey and doing homework alone, waiting. From sadness, loneliness and longing.

I am from few friends but forever friends. I am from being lost in a time I don’t belong.

I am from waiting.

The origins of the "Where I am From" poem are found here. It started as a writing exercise and there is a template you can follow, although I just did my own thing because the template seemed confining to me. If you do this and want to share, click the link in comments, I'd love to read yours.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Debbie Does Ditzville

Grr, anger anger anger bubbling boiling making my head explode!!

Went to a new hair salon this morning - ladies, you know how darn important it is to get the right salon and the right stylist. Well, I've been here 3 weeks so I didn't know of anyplace nor did I know anyone to ask.

So, I chose this place called "Salon del Sol" because it was an Aveda salon and I know Aveda makes good hair and skin products. I figured it would be pricey but I was willing to pay it because I want my hair to look good for husband's work trip to the Bahamas in 2 weeks.

When I made the appt. I told them I was a new client. They said nothing about their ridiculous tipping policy at the time, so when I went to pay today I got quite an unpleasant surprise. You can pay with a credit card, but the tip has to be cash or check. That's a paper check, not via a debit card. Who the hell carries paper checks anymore?? I carry a credit card, a debit card and very little cash. Certainly not enough cash for a 20% tip on services totalling $200!!

When I said that they should inform new clients about their tipping policy since most people don't carry a lot of cash or paper checks, I got a blank stare from the bubble-blowing blonde ditz behind the counter. She couldn't have cared less. Luckily I had SOME cash but not enough for the 20% tip I had planned to leave since I spent THREE hours at the salon.

When Debbie Ding Dong had the nerve to ask if I wanted to make a future appt. I said I would go somewhere else with better customer service. Again the blank stare and I actually got an "oh, Ok".

So, I came home and fired off a nastygram to the salon but I'll be very surprised if I actually get a response. Afterall, bubbleditz herself is probably the one that opens the mail.

Anyone else had an embarrassing customer service experience?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Know When to Fold 'Em

Husband: Uh, do you want me to go to the grocery store and get you something to eat?

Me: Wha??

Husband: Well, you seemed like you were having a hard time finding something to eat for dinner.

Background: We had leftover enchiladas (homemade by ME the day before). I said I was going to have something other than the enchilada, then changed my mind and ate one afterall. Big deal-o, I'm a chick, I change my mind like 40 times a day, hello!

Husband continuing: It just seems like there isn't a lot of food in the house.

Me: "Oh no you did't" face (cold stare, eyebrows raised)

Husband: Uh, I mean these enchiladas are really good so I guess that's what you wanted. No need to go to the store. Uh, for me to go to the store.

Update to yesterday's post: For those of you who thought I was actually writing or typing while have sex - bah ha ha! Uh, no, just a'thinking, I'm a pretty good multi-tasker!

Aside: I just found THREE peanuts in one shell! That's gotta be like finding a four leaf clover!

Bad Wifey

On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad am I if I compose a blog post while having sex?

Seriously, am I the only one who has ever done this??

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Watch Out for Humping Chihauhuas

"I found a painter on the internet and I'm afraid to be alone with him. Can you come stay with me?"

So says friend Kira, eater of McDonald's Fat Kids' Meals, last week.

"Sure", I say, "better we both get killed than just you."

"Road trip!" I yell to the dog, load up the car and drive 2 hours south. When I see the painter, I can understand why she'd be a little nervous; he's tall, bald and covered in tattoos. Although he and his crew of tattooed, rough-looking dudes appear scary, they turn out to be very nice guys. Happily, neither of us is killed.

At noon, we decide to try a new martini (the Black Tie) recipe. Since we don't want to appear like alcoholics, we attempt to covertly mix drinks in her tiny laundry room with the door closed. Apparently the sound of the ice in the beverage shaker along with lots of giggling gives us away. But the painters nicely pretend we're not silly and tell us to enjoy.

After three tries we decide we finally have the recipe correct and retreat to her screened in porch to gab and imbibe. That's when her 6 lb. chihauhua decides to begin humping my 90 lb. yellow lab Sampson. Wha?? Sampson is so easy going he just sits there, looking over his shoulder at the tiny attachment on his backside. "For the love of dog!", I yell, "Do something to make him stop."

Ah, good times. Good times.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I'm Due a Painful Death

So, if I know I'm a bitch and freely admit it, am I still going to to h-e-double toothpicks??

Mother in law calls yesterday and says she and a cousin are coming today and want to see my house. They live 1 1/2 hours away and are coming to see her daughter's house - daughter moved to VA 10 mins. away from us on Monday from Chicago (weird but good coincidence as I like sister in law.)

I'm a little perturbed as we've been here all of 2 1/2 weeks and the house is in no way presentable for company. I try to sidestep because I will be gone all morning trying to find my way around town to sign paperwork in front of a notary and oh, by the way, meeting my husband's boss' wife for the first time. I even say, "It's not the best day for me", but that entire sentence is somehow lost in phonespace. I actually stop and think for a few seconds - hmm, did I say the words or just think them, 'cause there was no acknowledgment whatsover. Instead I get, "Call me as soon as you get home."

Grrr. So 2 1/2 weeks after moving in I'm supposed to show my house to two women who both have dogs that are trained to stay in their 4x10 foyers - I kid you not - so as not to fur-ify the entire house. I can't help but feel like I'm going to be judged when they come to my one lab-two cat furry, dog slobbery, stuff everywhere 'cause I just moved in, house. Who asks to visit so soon after someone moves in??

It just really ticked me off and I thought so many nasty thoughts I'm surprised God didn't smote (or smite??) me on the spot. I got through it and they were nice and polite although I'm sure the whole way home they discussed all the furbunny tumbleweeds rolling merrily along my floors.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I saw this at Judy's blog, "Where One Day Runs into Another" and thought it was so funny - and just when I need a laugh, too (see last pity party post)!

1. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your father's side, your favorite candy): Vincenza Toffee

2. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name followed by izzle", first two or three letters of your last name follwowed by "dizzle"): Kizzle Bevdizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal): Orange Lab (although I think Orange Kitty sounds kinda cool)

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your name- last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name repeated twice): Kat-bal Sam Sam

5. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile you drive): The Orange Explorer

Ooh, I like my Superhero name the best. From now on, just call me The Orange Explorer. I will only make dinner for people who address me as "The Orange Explorer". Likewise if you want your clothes washed, house cleaned and certainly if you expect any sex whatsoever, I need to hear how wonderful "The Orange Explorer" is... (uh, that last part applies to Husband only just so I don't start getting kinky emails)

Be Like Mike

WARNING: If you're not in the mood to read a whiny self-centered post you might just wanna move on now.

I'm in no mood to deal with anything. I'm irritated and irritated with being irritated. I feel so overwhelmed that I just don't know what to tackle first. I'm such a perfectionistic, anal, over-organizer type that I have become frozen with indecision and it's making me hopeless. I have half-written lists all over the house and no energy to start anything.

Then I get mad at myself for this stupid pity party. I just saw Michael J. Fox on Actor's Studio two nights ago and he was absolutely amazing. Wow, what a guy. Actually called his Parkinson's a gift. If anyone should have some self-pity it should be him, but no, he projects strength and determination. He knows exactly what his focus is what his goals are, what he wants to BE.

Gah, for one day, just one day, could I be like Mike. Ok, not EXACTLY like him because I sure as heck couldn't handle Parkinsons seeing how I'm such a freakin' mess, but I want to experience what it's like to live life with his attitude toward it.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Monday Memory - Grandparents

I was just thinking about how much I miss my grandparents - all gone now - over the past week. They all lived in Pittsburgh where both of my parents grew up. My Dad was transferred to IL when I was 6 mos. old so several times a year we'd make the 9 1/2 hour drive to Pgh.

I remember all the squabbling my brother (13 mos. older) and I used to do in the car. Can you blame us - 9 1/2 hrs, come on! But, we also had a lot of fun playing car games like trying to see who could go through the alphabet first using letters from license plates and signs. Would that ever entertain kids today?? ha ha

But most of all, I remember the excitement of going to see my grandparents and aunt. We were loved and spoiled rotten and every single day with them was great. I know I didn't appreciate them as much as I should have when they were alive. I didn't realize how special they were and how all kids don't get that much love and attention.

It's a good lesson, and I try to appreciate people in my life now so I won't feel so much regret when they're gone.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Can I Get Fries With That?

My friend Kira made me laugh SO hard the other day.

A little background - she's the friend we all love to hate - thin, blonde, big boobs, smart, blah blah blah. Despite those obvious faults to me wanting to stand next to her let alone go on vacation and lay next to her in a bathing suit, gah! - we get along great. You know, one of those friends that is a true kindred spirit. Someone who just gets you.

As I said, she's thin and eats whatever she wants. Yep, one of those. Again, gah! A typical lunch for her is a McDonald's Happy Meal. A Happy Meal! For the love of dog, she's 38! She even eats all the fries and keeps the prizes on her desk at work.

So we're chatting as she's driving home - she calls almost every day as she's driving home from work - and she says she's stopping at McDonald's to get dinner. I try to be a good friend (read, bitch) and talk her out of it, you know for health reasons. It doesn't work. We continue chatting and she makes some offhand comment about how good her double cheeseburger is.

"DOUBLE cheeseburger?", I ask. Since when do they put a double cheeseburger in a Happy Meal?! She explains it's a "Mighty Kids Meal" and so it has bigger portions than the Happy Meal. I dissolve into hysterics. This is seriously the funniest thing I've heard in a long while.

"You're eating a fat kid's meal!", I scream. No no, she says, it's for older kids. I cannot stop laughing, I don't even know why I find this so funny. Maybe because she eats kids' meals in the first place, maybe because she's now graduated to the "older" aka fat kids' meals, or maybe because she's just a good buddy and I really needed to laugh that day.

Pearls Don't Make You Classy

June Cleaver of tennis she's not. So why is Venus Williams wearing PEARLS - I kid you not - while playing tennis at the French Open?? Does she think if she wears pearls people will all of the sudden think she's classy?

I have to say I've never been a fan of either Williams sister. Mainly because I don't care for their "I'm so much better than you" attitudes with a little "Hey, I grew up in Compton, I can take you down" sass thrown in. I'm sick of hearing about how difficult their childhood was and how hard they worked to become champion tennis players. Blah blah blah. What about Maria Sharapova who left her mother and her homeland (Russia) when she was like 7 and came to America speaking no English?

I'm just sick of their whining and entitlement attitudes. They never give an opponent any credit - if Venus or Serena loses, they always say it was because they weren't playing well, not because their opponent played great.

I'm watching Venus play Karolina Sprem right now, it's 4-3 (Venus) in the first set and I'm hoping Karolina will take it up a notch and put the hurt on her. And back to the pearls - WTH?! Who wears pearls to play tennis? Ridiculous.

I think Venus and Serena teach kids today how NOT to act and what is and is not good sportsmanship.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Queen of the Flies

Gah!! I wasn't informed that the freakin’ flies BITE here. Yesterday I spent the worst 2 ½ hrs of my life planting 12 pots of stupid flowers and getting bit by every fly in VA. WTH?! Halfway through I dug out the Deep Woods Off but nooooooooo, apparently that is just a tasty treat for VA flies. The flowers better live because they’re the only ones getting planted this year. Oh, and why is it 92 degrees in May? Just curious. Burned my shoulders to a crisp, they're a lovely terra cotta shade now. I know , I know, shut up Mom, next time I'll remember the sunscreen.

And what's up with the cottonmouths? Again, no one told me I'm living in venomous snake country. That is just unacceptable. I was really looking forward to hiking, but I think I'll have to pass. Snakes and I are not fond of each other, especially ones that can really put the hurt on me.

And my poor animals are apparently allergic to VA! Sampson has been doing some god awful hacking, sneezing and snorting. Hobbes has scratched the fur off his ears, necessitating some expensive ear drops. Yea right. Let's see, hold a 20 lb. cat with one hand, with the other hand hold up his ear and with my um, toe??? put in the drops. I'm trying to perfect my "fly by" method, where I wait for Hobbes to fall asleep, swoop in and grab an ear while squeezing in the drops. Of course, you can only do one ear at a time this way since kitty wakes up quickly and very angrily. But still, he sleeps like 23 hours out of 24 so I think this might be the way to go.