Monday, July 31, 2006

MIL Redeems Herself While Gibson Falls Hard

Well. So my mother-in-law does have a conscience after all.

When we all convened at my sister-in-law's house to celebrate my birthday what should she present but a chocolate cake? Hmm, husband insists he did not call her and demand chocolate cake for me. Therefore, she must have felt guilty for planning to make pistachio when I clearly asked for chocolate. And I'm not apologizing for that!

It appears she only knows how to make one kind of cake (pistachio!) because she said, "I don't know if it's any good, I used the pistachio cake recipe and added chocolate pudding instead of pistachio pudding." Wha?? And then, "I don't know why it didn't raise."

OK, this was actually funny. When the cake was cut you could see about a 4-inch depression in the center which she had cleverly covered up with 4 inches of some god awful chocolate-looking, but not chocolate-tasting, frosting. Still, I give her big points for trying and I did eat the cake while cleverly smearing the frosting around my plate in an attempt to hide the fact I did not touch it. I will now shut up about not getting chocolate cake for my birthday. sigh of relief from the masses

In other weekend news, how about Mel Gibson's arrest for drunk driving?! Gee, I can hardly wait to see what celebrity self-implodes next (Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and counting). The DUI alone would certainly have been forgivable, afterall, what celebrity doesn't drink and drive?? It's what happened once the cops stopped him that is causing all hulabaloo...

I could have overlooked the "belligerent" attitude with the cops, the trying to flee in his own car, the "I own Malibu." and "You're going to regret you ever did this to me." stupidass statements. What is a titch hard to overlook, however, is his alleged statement that "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."

Oops! Hmm, tell us how you really feel Mel 'ol boy now that you're good and plastered. No, no, don't hold back, we won't tell anyone. Verrrrrrrrrrrry interesting. Somehow I don't think his apology is going to get him out of this one. Should be fun to watch, though.

***UPDATE: In a stunningly clever yet completely unsurprising bid to save his career's ass, Gibson has entered rehab.

Friday, July 28, 2006

The World is Way Too Much

For the love of dog! Now I've read it all.

Brangelina and their baby Shiloh have been turned into scary wax figures and are on display at Madam Tussaud's wax museum in Times Square. Are you kidding me?? Gross. And, oh by the way, she has two adopted children - where the hell are they? Why don't they get nasty wax figures like their sister? Not good enough? The whole world has gone weird. Anyone but me get my post title?

Then, poor Allison got voted off "So You Think You Can Dance" last night. Heidi is my favorite but I didn't want Allison to go next, I think she's really talented. I wanted Donielle to go because I don't think she's as good as the other ladies. It seems like people feel sorry for her because she hurt her toe and is heavier than the other dancers. I hope Benji wins the whole shebang. Poor husband actually watched it with me since it was my birthday. He thinks just watching it will somehow make him gay.

Anyone catch "Project Runway" Wednesday night? Yet another ridiculous reality show that I have somehow become addicted to. I actually felt a little bad for Malan who was kicked off the week before. In his interview afterward you find out his mother basically told him he was absolutely awful and would never make it as a dress designer. Nice. Must have been all peaches and cream growing up with that mother monster. But this week Katharine went. Dummy! If she had just listened to Tim Gunn, Fashion Father Figure Extraordinaire, and made a damn hoodie for her model I bet she would have stayed. Neck tattoo guy really pisses me off. Again, if he had listened to FFFE and created so much as a diaper for his dog he would have won the damn challenge. He acted like it was totally beneath him to design for a dog and got nasty when they told him he didn't follow the rules. The girl with the long messy hair that wears the ridiculous short balloon skirts needs to go. Bitch has an attitude problem. She was smirking while the judges critiqued the other contestants. Nasty piece 'o work. Can't wait until next week when someone gets kicked off for not following the rules, oooh scandal schmandal!

I'm just in a bad, bad mood today. Birthday sucked. Not at all my wonderful husband's fault, though. This post is too long already so I won't go into it. I just kept wishing I was Dorothy and could click my heels together 3 times and go home. But then I realized, I have no "home" anymore and all that that word entails. This is it for now. sigh

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thursday Thirteen - Reasons to Celebrate

Thirteen Reasons to Celebrate
woo hoo

  1. It's my birthday!
  2. Husband picked a nice restaurant and made dinner reservations all on his own
  3. I got a gift cert. for a spa day - yay, my favorite thing!
  4. Husband says we're leaving early for dinner because we have a "surprise" stop to make on the way
  5. There WILL be chocolate cake tonight
  6. Neither cat threw up during the night (that I've found so far)
  7. I'm going to Tampa to see my 8-yr-old nephew next week
  8. I'm starting a new career (more later)
  9. The house is finally all painted (lovely shades of gold and brick red accents)
  10. My favorite show was on last night - Project Runway
  11. I'll probably eat chocolate at every meal today - woo hoo!
  12. It's all about me me me today!
  13. I feel very, very lucky
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Tug 'O War

There's an interesting legal-medical battle going on in my area.

A 16-year-old boy, Starchild Cherrix, has Hodgkin's disease. After going through chemotherapy a year and a half ago, the cancer has come back. This time, he and his parents are refusing chemotherapy or any other medical treatment.

Instead, Starchild is following an organic diet and taking herbal supplements supplied by a "clinic" in Mexico. He decided that chemotherapy was too hard and he didn't want to be that sick again. He says he would "...rather die healthy and strong...".

Hmm...I feel that this boy is not receiving/hearing all the information he should. Does he really think he's going to die "healthy and strong" if his cancer isn't treated? I think someone is misleading him terribly. Just because he feels good now doesn't mean that all the herbal supplements in the world are going to make his death from cancer easier.

So now all the lawyers are involved. Lawyers for Starchild, lawyers for hospital, the attorney general. His lawyers did win the latest battle, though. Just today they received a successful ruling so that he does not have to report to Children's Hospital today to accept treatment prescribed by doctors. He and his parents are thrilled.

On one hand, I think people absolutely should have control of their own bodies. Just because I personally think using herbal supplements and diet to try and cure cancer isn't going to work, doesn't mean Starchild shouldn't get to try it if that's what he wants. But, he is only 16. Can he really be getting and understanding all of the information he needs to make this incredibly important decision? Why aren't his parents saying, "Hey, I know chemotherapy is horrible, but it's been proven to work and we want you to stay alive..."

I guess this is one of those cases where that old cliche, "time will tell" is really true. Good luck to him.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Go Ahead and Indulge, It's OK!

"Repenting Hyperopia: An analysis of Self-Control Regrets"

OK, if anyone is still reading I'll tell you what that gobbledy-gook doctor-scientist speak really means.

It means that the older we get, the MORE we will regret making a virtuous choice instead of indulging in a vice. For example, say several workers decide to call in sick and spend the day tubing on the river. You decide to be the good one and stay at work instead of playing hooky.

This study says that as time goes on, you'll regret making the more virtuous choice. In fact, if you actually did call in sick and go with them, you would feel less guilt compared to the amount of regret you would feel if you stayed at work instead of indulging.

Wow, cool, right? The doctoral candidate who who researched this (see, I would have been a doctoral candidate if they had let me know I could research cool stuff like this) says, "We really do believe that in day-to-day self-control dilemmas, people are better off choosing to indulge."

So go ahead, eat that chocolate cake and enjoy the hell out of it!

Monday, July 24, 2006

Everything Old is Cool Again

OH boy, now I've heard it all.

Why does Hollywood have such an obsession with labelling everything?? Apparently hetero/homo/metro sexual isn't descriptive enough. Now there are retrosexuals.

That's right. Retrosexuals. Think about it, who would that label describe?? Supposedly, Vince Vaughn would be the King of the Retrosexuals. "(He) is a manly man, an alpha male who may have the physique of a Shar-Pei dog (a little wrinkly and flabby, yet endearing), the manners of a 5-year-old (the kind who makes armpit farting noises at the dinner table) and the ability to pull you in for a hot, sweaty kiss and then go right out and fix your darn car."

Um, OK. Will Ferrell and Jack Black are also said to epitomize the retrosexual label. Who else would you say qualifies?? I'm thinking Steve Martin doing his SNL character in that kooky accent, "I'm a wild and crazy guy..."

I guess if you're looking for a slightly smelly, unkempt, hairy, paunchy yet somehow sexy man, go find yourself a retrosexual...

Friday, July 21, 2006


Found this cool meme over at Libragirl's If Life Were Perfect. Let me know in comments if you decide to play, too.

What is your salad dressing of choice? Homemade Raspberry Viniagritte (olive oil, raspberry vinegar, honey, mustard, salt)

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Nada. No can do. Grease gives me gas. Does Godiva count or does it have to have a drive through window 'cause I've already written the company about that.

What is your favorite sit down restaurant? Emeril's Nola (New Orleans Louisiana - get the name?) restaurant

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 20%

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Cereal

Name three foods you detest above all others. Melons, wax beans, anchovies

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Hot and Sour soup

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Canadian bacon, fresh mushrooms and onions

What do you like to put on your toast? Real butter and homemade (by someone else, not me) grape jelly

What is your favorite type of gum? Extra Wildberry. Can chew through a whole pack in about an hour.

Number of contacts in your cell phone? Who knows

Number of contacts in your email address book? Gah, too lazy to look. Stupid question anyway as it implies I have too few friends.

What is your wallpaper on your computer? My dog Sampson looking at me with those big, brown, melty eyes

What is your screensaver on your computer? Nothing

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Gah! How did you know?

How many land line phones do you have in your house? 2

How many televisions are in your house? 6. Absolutely ridiculous as only 2 people live here!!! But I need me my Project Runway available from anywhere in the house.

What kitchen appliance do you use the least? The blender ('cause I like my 'ritas on the rocks)

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? Classic Rock

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? My eyes.

Are you right handed or left handed? righty

Do you like your smile? Indeedy

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Hmm, where to begin...wisdom teeth, hernia, bad cartilage in left knee, extraneous tissue in right breast, cervical cancer cells

Would you like to? Hmm, where to begin...

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Um, no I'm not a guy.

Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? smell. I can smell chocolate a mile away

When was the last time you had a cavity? don't know

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? God&%@# vacuum.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Would I remember?

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Why, so I could sit around and sulk about 24/7. No thank you!

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Gina Marie. Been obsessed with that name ever since I was 7 and my mom told me she was going to name me that, but then couldn't because the guy in the apartment upstairs had a german shephard named Gina. Who names a dog Gina? Idiot.

How do you express your artistic side? Cooking without using a recipe, this category could also be called, "How do you flirt with death?"

What color do you think you look best in? Blues

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? 'bout 20 seconds.

Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Bugs. All The Freakin' Time. WTH??

If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Not now but when I was young I had a crush on my 3rd cousin Paul. He died when he was way too young, I miss you Paul!

How often do you go to church? I am the epitome of a "lapsed Catholic".

Have you ever saved someone’s life? no

Has someone ever saved yours? My husband thinks he has about 72 times. Everytime we get ready to cross the street he'll yank me back and say, "Saved your life!" Even if there is no car coming...I know, he's such a card, don't you wish you could live with him.

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? nope

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Sure thing

Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? No, even for money I only swing one way

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Gah!

Would you never blog again for $50,000? Yes, I'd take the money and start another blog using a fake photo and name. I'd make up wildly fantastic entertaining stories, become famous, make lots 'o money and quit my day job. Wait, I don't have a day job.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? If I got to go on Extreme Makeover first.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Wha? Did some frat boy come up with this stupidass question?

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? It depends...did they kill/try to kill someone I love? Then, of course I would.

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? No, I'm very vain about my hair. (the hair on my head that is)

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? You betcha! I'd take the money and buy a gazillion books from Amazon and read all year long. woo hoo!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Dubya in Trouble Again

I find the extreme media attention way overblown regarding the President's shoulder rub of the female German chancellor.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not a huge fan of the President and certainly don't agree with his veto of stem-cell legislation. But I saw the "shoulder rub" - all 10 seconds of it - on TV. Who hasn't, it's been shown half a gazillion times. It was NOTHING. Really. The President is not having an affair with the German chancellor. Stop insulting Mrs. Bush by saying and slyly implying such utter crap!

Apparently the public finds it more acceptable for a President to boink a starstruck intern in the Oval Office and lie about it than to give a colleague a harmless shoulder rub.

I think at this point people are so pissed off about the war and the President's decisions surrounding it, that they will lambast him about anything and everything. But it takes the impact away if they attack him for obviously innocent things like this.

What do you think? (I probably shouldn't ask...don't attack ME, it's fine if you disagree. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts, but not if you spew crap at me personally. Or my mother. Or my dog. My mother-in-law is fair game, however.)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

If it Looks Like a Duck

Ack, now I've gone and done it.

Lots of errands today. First, and most importantly, Tarjhay 'cause by now you know how much I lurve it. Went for a can of Scotchguard to protect these chairs that I spent hours recovering yesterday - GAH, never again. At least not when there are EIGHT of them. (Notice Sampson "Superman/dog" address tag - love it!).

Got not only the Scotchguard but this adorable "shabby chic" ensemble for the guest bedroom.

Now, as much as I love me some Target, I will say I noticed they had the same wooden ducks for $23 that I purchased just last week for $13 at TJ Maxx! A little disappointed in you Target.

The ducks are above my kitchen cabinets. I was tired of the fake plant look (dang stuff kept getting caught in the cabinet every time I opened the door), and I saw these fellas and thought they'd be fun. I'm going for whimsical here, not serious duck lover. I'm going to have to tell friends and family that I am NOT now collecting ducks or anything having ducks on them. The first duck pillow I get will go to Sampson to chew on.

Husband thinks I may have crossed the line with the ducks...that maybe they're too "out there". I said perhaps he has not evolved to my level of humor, quack quack. Although I think the black one on the end might have to go - he looks a little evil.

Anyway, the point of this post was meant to be that once again I spent too much at Target. But, I pay the bills and therefore I should know what's in the checking account. Supposedly. So after I load my many purchases in the trunk I toodle off to the grocery store. When I go to pay my debit card was declined! Gasp. Embarrassment. Whip out the credit card 'cause what's another $100 on top of what's already on it. Immediately come home and check the account online. Somehow bills and deposits crossed in the mail and sure enough we're overdrawn. Just ONE day...I only needed one day and the deposit would have hit. Crap crap crap

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Mother-in-Law, Part Deux

Why is there always a Part 2 with MILs?? Gah

So here's the rest of the story from yesterday...that post was getting too long - and I needed to go eat some chocolate to calm myself down - so I decided to end it there. But there's more, much much more. It's interesting to me that I'm all the sudden having some issues with my MIL now that she's only 1 1/2 hours away. When she was 800 miles away and we only saw each other 4 times a year - no problems, imagine that! Now, I've seen her 4 times in 2 months and want to smack her.

What happened is even worse than her refusing to make me chocolate cake for my birthday. My husband's parents, sister, brother-in-law, my husband, and I were all sitting around talking at my house. I had invited them all to dinner as MIL and FIL had driven up early in the day to help SIL (who lives in the same town as us) with some landscaping. Yea, sometimes I'm so nice it's ridiculous.

Things were fine. Then my husband goes outside to start grilling. It's as if MIL, FIL and SIL all the sudden shared some secret signal. As soon as my husband closed the door they started in on me out of his hearing. The basic message was that my husband "protects" me too much, i.e. "coddles" me unnecessarily. I just sat there blindsided, mouth hanging open, couldn't have been more shocked.

They tried to throw in a compliment or two to take the sting out of the assault, such as, I have turned out to be an asset to my husband's career (by hosting parties for his employees and other such crap). But then they said he should just let me stand on my own instead of doing overprotective things such as introducing me to people and staying by my side when I meet/talk to people I don't know. Wha???

Apparently, he's not letting me "grow" (I kid you not, this was actually said) by treating me so well. I'm so ashamed that I sat there and took it instead of standing up for my husband and also myself. I just couldn't believe they were saying these things and why now, we've been married almost 7 years!

As soon as my husband came back in they shut up fast. Which really pissed me off - they could say these things about both of us only to me. They knew he'd tell them to stop, actually, I have no doubt he would have told them to leave.

I guess they thought I wouldn't tell him but that's not the kind of marriage we have. After they left I went through the whole story and apologized for not standing up for him, and saying that I like and encourage the way he treats me. He just shook his head and said, "You see why I'm not close to my family." In all the years we've been married I've never understood why, but now I sure do!

Then he said the most profound thing of all..."Of all those people trying to give YOU advice on OUR marriage, how many of them are divorced?" Sure enough, ALL of them. His parents were each married to other people when they met each other, divorced and married. His sister was also married very briefly before her current marriage. The only person not in on the attack was my brother-in-law, who like my husband and myself, was never married before. Interesting, no?

Monday, July 17, 2006

Pistacho Crapola

Listen to this crap!

It's my birthday in a couple of weeks and although I appreciate my mother-in-law saying she will make the cake to bring to my sister-in-law's I'd rather she didn't after she told me she's making Pistacho cake - ugh!

It's MY freakin' birthday and I want chocolate. It's no secret I'm a total chocolate whore, everyone knows it and I'm pretty darn proud of it. So, when my mother-in-law said she's making Pistacho cake - which is green by the way - I just looked at her with my mouth open, not believing what I heard. I even said, "what, no chocolate?" because my obsession with chocolate is a well-documented fact. It's absolutely unthinkable that anyone would try to serve me something other than chocolate at my own birthday - what the hell?!

So, I try to be the bigger person and don't say anything more about it. Until after she leaves and then I turn on my husband and unleash the chocolate rant. Husband is actually on my side and says he TOLD her to make a chocolate cake and he doesn't know why she would torment me this way.

So there you have it. She knows beyond a doubt that I would prefer chocolate, yet she chooses to make something different. What does THAT tell ya! Obviously she's pissed at me about something. Let me say that I like the woman and except for this she's treated me very well, but she is quite sensitive so I've probably done/not done or said/not said something to offend her and I'll never know it. But apparently I'm gonna pay for it.

I know I should let this go, but I have had her pistachio crapola one other time. It's not good. Nothing green - except M&Ms - can be good. It's actually a box mix, one of those Duncan Crocker or Betty Hines deals, and it's a hideous flourescent green color. I bet they don't even sell it at the grocery store anymore. She's probably stockpiled boxes of it from The Dollar Store where most of our Christmas gifts come from. Crap, that was probably uncalled for. Definitely going to hell. I think it's a rule - if you're mean to your mother-in-law it's an automatic pass to Hades.

Oh well, since I'm already going...let me just say that I won't be such a bitch as to refuse to eat the cake, but I will be sure to leave some on my plate. She'll definitely notice. Let the games begin!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Target vs. Walmart

Such an emotional issue! I lurve Tarjhay, I really do. Walmart, not so much. In fact, I won't even go to Walmart. I just don't like the feel of the place. It's more than the merchandise, it's the atmosphere. It's doesn't make me feel happy.

But really, what is the big difference? They're both big box discounters, why do I care? I don't know, I hate to think I'm being snobby but maybe I am. Target seems to be a little more chic, a little more cool, a little more...acceptable.

My husband doesn't really understand this, he doesn't get it. But then, he hates to shop. Women get It. Shopping is an emotional experience. I freely admit I use it for therapy at times although an actual psychiatrist would probably be cheaper. I'm not a "one item shopper". Oh no, if I'm going, I'm gonna spend half a day and it's going to cost. Big time.

What does shopping mean to you? Do you prefer Target, Walmart or just don't care?

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Well Said

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your
heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was
broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love
for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too
fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many
pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness
you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will
never begin.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Bulls: 1 People: 0

When will people learn?!!

If it's you against a bull and you don't even have a pretty red cape and a big 'ol sword, guess what, you're gonna lose!

Yes, it's that time of year again - The running of the bulls in Pamplona - where for some completely bizarre reason people chase cows and pull their ears and tails. I don't know about you, but if some crazy person is screaming in my face and pulling on my body parts, you better believe I'd try to kill him or her.

So, now I read that some poor American sap has been partially paralyzed yesterday after staging a "mock" bullfight. Seven other people were hospitalized after being gored or trampled. Am I supposed to feel sorry for them?? I don't, they're asshats. For the love of dog, the American guy was a 31 year old bond trader from NC. He should know better don't you think? Ding dongs, all of them.

What is the allure of "running with the bulls"? To show how macho cool you are? Mar, if you read this, I know you live in Spain so if I'm missing what the big draw is here, clue me in!

I have to say, as a big animal lover I abhor the whole concepts of bullfights. I think they're incredibly cruel; slowly killing an animal simply for the supposed entertainment value. So, in this case the bulls got one. Granted, it was probably a dumb one, but I feel like they were owed. Go bulls!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Waiting Game

Gah! I hate to wait and I hate asshats that keep me waiting. If I have an appointment at 10:30 and you did not call to tell me "doctor" is running late, then I will show up at or before 10:30 and expect to see "doctor" within minutes.

That seems pretty straightforward to me. Afterall YOU'RE the professional - supposedly - so I expect you to run your office in a professional, efficient manner. If you can't, perhaps you need to hire a new office manager to keep things running smoothly. Otherwise, you run the risk of pissing off your patients like ME to the point that we're happy to just go find another doctor.

First, of course, we will loudly announce to the waiting room at large that we are taking our business to an office that runs on time. So there! And, we will be sure to find an office that says THE doctor is running late; not "doctor" is very busy today. Why do some medical personnel do that?? That isn't nor has it ever been correct English to say "doctor" instead of "the doctor". Therefore, they must do it just to act superior and sound important. Because if there's an actual, logical reason I'd love to hear it.

Do you get annoyed with waiting or am I just the most impatient chick on earth?

Monday, July 03, 2006

Good to be Home

We're baaaack!

OK, here's the deal - HATED the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas. If you don't mind crowds, noise, overpaying for everything, and unpleasant rooms you might like it. GAH! It's definitely for families; everything is geared toward kids but I have no idea how families can afford to stay there when even kid food like a pizza is $30.

After our official duties as hosts for my husband's company ended, we had planned to stay an extra 3 days and have a real vacation. We ended up changed our plane reservations and came home 3 days early instead. We had a hard time being forced to pay the 15% gratuity that is automatically added to everything you purchase, yet not receiving anywhere near 15% worth of good service!

The hosting part was brutal. We were like Energizer bunnies; just kept going and going from meetings to pool events to dinner functions to buying drinks for attendees. I did meet some nice people but overall I'm sick of making conversation about nothing with strangers. I don't want to talk to anyone for about a week!

I did see Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton - and their 300 lb bodyguard. That was at least entertaining as I've never seen a man in a coral-colored suit before (bodyguard, not Michael Bolton. Bolton was much shorter than I expected).

OK, I promise a less complaint-filled post later in the week. Just needed to get that out, whew!