Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Night of 1,000 Anorexics

OK, who watched the Golden Globes just to see the dresses?

Me, me, me! It's like when I was 8 and would watch Miss America just to see the evening gown competition. I could not have cared less about Miss Tennessee's acrobat routine where she balanced 10 Chinamen on her head while wearing 4-inch Manolos. But! Let me see her in her sparkly seafoam green chiffon number and I'd be all aflutter imagining myself in such a spectacular gown one day.

Well, one day has come and gone and this chick has yet to wear seafoam chiffon or sequins. Damn, life ain't fair. So, let's make fun of the beautiful people.

Case #1: Cameron Diaz. No doubt the chick is hot; she's got a rockin' bod any woman and quite a few trannies would throw up regularly to have. But, I gotta say, I have never liked her choices at the red carpet events. I actually think this dress is one of her better decisions although I don't love it - her stylist must have picked it.

Case #2: The Smiths. Yep, this is just one FINE couple. Who doesn't want their life? I hope they're as happy as they seem.

Case #3: Helen Mirren. I wish I had a full length picture of this woman. She has an incredible body for however old she is. And, she never takes the frumpy, elderly lady way out. No pantsuit or voluminous coverups for her. She has sex appeal in spades.

Case #4: Beyonce.
I know so many people will disagree with me, but I hated this dress! I thought it made Beyonce look like a total tramp - very "leave nothing to the imagination" a la Mariah Carey, Queen of the Sluts.

Case #5: Ellen Pompeo. Love Ellen, love her on Grey's Anatomy, hate the dress. Memo to Ellen: You're not a Grecian extraterrestial. This dress has got some weird action going on in the poopshoot area.

Case #6: Jennifer Hudson. Woo hoo! She looked great; so happy she won. I loved her speech when she said "I had dreams; I just never dreamed this big."

Case #7: Teri Hatcher. Va va voom! Way to show them all how it's done, gf.

Case #8: Reese Witherspoon. Hmm, I'm thinking she missed on this one. She always does some ill-fitting vintage thing. Not sure if this is vintage, but it seems a little too "Hey, I'm a big sparkly banana!"

OK, enough! I also thought Kyra Segdwick looked fabulous as did America Ferrera, both winners. And, Salma Hayek - good Lord does that chick have a rack on her! Renee Zellwegger also looked pretty in emerald green although way too thin and suprisingly UN-made up. Almost like she forgot to put a little blush on or something. Did you watch? Anyone you want to dish about?


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