Thursday, February 15, 2007

Calling All Nut Jobs

Not sure if this has made the national news or not, but I definitely wanted to, ah, warn you to be on the alert.

In a town nearby, let's call it Asshatburg, what was thought to be a human foot was found in the town's landfill. After 36 sheriff's deputies and volunteers spent countless hours searching through tons--literally--of fresh garbage, the search was halted upon discovery that the foot was actually an ape's. So see, that's OK. There's no demented cannibal running around eating people and discarding their feet. Although, I would think toes would be considered a delicacy??

Anyway, "authorities" are now reporting the foot is "apelike." Wha??? Not human, not ape, but apelike. What does that...BIGFOOT is on the loose! Run for your lives! Actually, you could probably just walk since he's obviously missing at least one appendage so he probably won't be able to run after you too quickly. (Really, sometimes I just slay myself, snort snort.)

Yes, apparently the internet has gone crazy with Bigfoot rumors--Bigfoot On The Run in Redneck Asshatburg!

But get this--"renowned" Bigfoot specialist William Dranginis, who operates the Virginia Bigfoot Research Organization (WTH?), has offered to have DNA samples from the foot tested by experts--including Jane Goodall. Dranginis claims he has already made arrangements with Goodall in case an "unidentified creature" is ever found. "You prepare for this," he explained in a phone interview yesterday. Jane Goodall's people followed with, "Dr. Goodall is curious and keeps an open mind on the subject." Seriously??

Well, it seems as though all the hoopla may be for naught...today authorities are saying it appears as though the foot may be a skinned hind paw of a bear. Nice. Apparently there's big bucks to made in bear poaching. I'll keep ya updated as they are still sending the thing off for testing.

Again, it all comes down to the rednecks in Asshatburg--they gots to make a livin', too!

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