Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Got Fish? You Too Can Get a Husband

Looking for a man? Have I got the place for you!

Hop on a plane to Orango Island in Guinea-Bissau (yeah, I've got no idea where the hell this place is either) where the women choose who they want to marry and the men cannot refuse. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

OK, apparently this retreat d'amore is an undeveloped isle off the west coast of Africa. When a woman sets her sights on a particular guy, all she has to do is make a special fish dish (ancient recipe!) and place it in front of him. Men are powerless to say no, heh heh. Again, let me say, powerless!

One man reports, "I had no feelings for her. Then when I ate this meal, it was like lightning. I wanted only her." Damn! What is in that fish? Because this is exactly what I've been looking for for my next get rich quick scheme. I'll just sell the recipe--to women only--for this fish concoction. I'll be a gajijibillionaire like Oprah in no time.

The man cannot refuse to marry the woman because it would dishonor his family to do so. The 2,000 people of this island believe, "Love comes first into the heart of the woman. Once it's in the woman, only then can it jump into the man." So smart these people!

This unconventional thinking has worked well for this tiny island, but ill winds are a'blowing. Treacherous tides and narrow channels used to keep outsiders out, but are no longer holding back the modern world. The surrounding islands are being developed into resorts for tourists and many men from Orango are going to them to work. They return full of "new" ideas about asking women out.

"Now the world is upside down," complained a 90-year-old traditionalist male of Orango. Poor guy, he probably just wants all the younger men to suffer like he did.

Anthropologists say the island is unique; there is no other place in the world where women are given complete authority in selecting a husband. On Orango Island,
"The choice of a woman is much more stable."

Unfortunately, it sounds like eventually the island will go the way of the modern world; Christian missionaries are establishing churches there. It's just a matter of time before the men there become all bossy and picky like the males of the rest of the world. But for now, a girl can dream.


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