Friday, February 16, 2007

Hey Big Boy

Hmm, I guess New Mexico thinks only men drive drunk.

They've come up with quite the plan to keep drunkos off the road. They are putting talking urinal-deoderizer cakes in men's rooms in bars across the state. No, I am not making this up; I wish I was that witty.

When a man, uh, steps up to the urinal, the motion-sensitive plastic device says, in a woman's voice that is flirty, then stern: "Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home. Remember, your future is in your hand."

OK, there are just so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to start!
  1. Did they not consider the fact that drunk men are easily startled? What's going to happen when a guy holding his penis hears a urinal talking to him? He's going to pee all over like he did when he was 4 and some poor men's room attendant--female, I'm sure--is going to have to clean it up.

  2. What about drunk women? Does New Mexico truly believe drunk women don't drive? Where's their campaign? How about a man who stands in the ladies restroom and any woman he thinks is too drunk he confiscates her keys and gives her a coupon for a free cab ride?

  3. What is up with the urinal cake's last sentence--"Remember, your future is in your hand." Eeewww!! What does that mean? Stop peeing now and go home? Ask your friend to hold it for you? Whack off in the bathroom and get arrested a la George Michael?
I'd also like to mention that NM paid $21 for each talking urinal cake thingy. So far, 500 have been put in men's rooms in bars and restaurants. You do the math ('cause I hate math. That's why I make you add when you leave a comment--just so I can laugh because I'm not the one doing the math.)

I wonder how many will get stolen by immature, drunk men? They'll be driving--drunk--with it on their dashboard just so they can hear the flirty woman talking. You know it.

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