Saturday, March 03, 2007

Happily Never After

Ah love, sweet love. Until it's not. Then it's nasty, hateful, "how could I have ever loved such as &^%$ing loser" love. And that's when it gets downright entertaining for us onlooker types. So, I bring you the latest in "infotainment." (Thanks to friend Ps for coining this delightful word!)

I am thrilled to inform you that this drama happened right here in my little 'ol town just this week! See, once upon a time a boy and girl met and fell in love. All was good, all was hot and steamy. Boy liked the steamy stuff so much that he secretly videotaped he and his lady love doing the McNasty. No harm, no foul, she would never know.

Until the time when the boy and girl broke up and all was not good. Boy was pissed; he plotted, he schemed. (And for unknown reasons waited a year to put his nefarious plan into action. All the better to surprise girl perhaps?)

One gloriously blue-skyed cloudless Spring day, hapless people everywhere exited various retail establishments in Redneckville and found presents on their cars. "Hey, a free DVD! Someone must really like, hey, wait a minute...why is someone giving me a porn video? Gosh, this looks homemade but if she's giving it away I might be interested. And what's this? Oh, here's her name, phone number, and address right on the DVD. How convenient!"

So when girl started getting all sorts of lewd phone calls, and two especially enterprising young studs showed up at her door ready for action, she didn't know what to think. Until police investigators showed up at her door with a DVD for her to view. And while it was very, ahem, awkward to view said DVD in the presence of others, she gamely watched and verified it was she, although certainly it was taped without her permission.

Now boy sits alone in a cold jail cell, charged with 3 misdemeanors and a felony for knowingly producing an "obscene exhibition."

The moral of the story: Find a less dramatic--and legal--method of letting your ex know you hate her guts.

The End.

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