Monday, March 12, 2007

My Love Affair with Stupid People

Gah, save me from stupid people. No wait, then I'd have nothing to talk about. I heart you stupid people everywhere!

OK, how about the gambling site that is taking bets on whether Heather Mills’ artificial leg will fall off during her upcoming appearance on “Dancing with the Stars.” Come on, that's a little bit funny. Everyone is thinking about it since they first announced she would be on the show; these clowns are just the first enterprising ones to cash in on the possible flying limbage.

Did you hear about the ding dong in Connecticut who thinks ski masks have gotten a bad rap? You know, what with the bank robberies, hold ups, and other assorted mayhem they're usually worn for pulling off. So this asshat, Kevin Lambert, and his "friends" (I bet he pays them) have been wearing ski maks in public places in an attempt to dispel the bad stereotype associated with them. Hmm, methinks there is a bad stereotype associated with them for a reason, but hey, what do I, an ordinary, harmless, law-abiding citizen know?

He got this lightbulb idea back in 2005 when he put on a ski mask after exiting a store for an impromptu photograph. Wha?? Who does that? Then, oh gee what a surprise, a passer-by saw him in the mask and called police, fearing Kevin had just robbed the store. Doofus Mask Boy was charged with breach of peace and had to perform 15 hours of community service. Yet he still goes around donning the ski mask on occasion just to prove, oh I don't know what, that nice guys DO wear masks?

I'm sure some of you read about the housecat that went on a rampage and attacked its owner so severely she was hospitalized with over 20 serious puncture wounds. You thought of me, didn't you? After my post about my own charming little furballs. They did manage to make it through the weekend alive as they haven't destroyed anything else--yet. I'll let ya know.

I got a hoot from reading about "Gustav" the ostrich in Berlin. Gustav's owner is suing 3 teenagers, alleging the firecrackers they set off near his farm scared Gustav so badly that he can no longer perform his, ahem, breeding duties shall we say. The farmer wants over $6K in damages, claiming he lost out on 14 ostrich offspring. Hmm, maybe if he put a mask on Gustav the female ostrichs would find him sexy and mysterious he would overcome his inhibitions. I just love the ostrich's name, Gustav. How cool is that? You just had to know that an ostrich named Gustav would be tempermental and flighty.

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