Monday, April 30, 2007

Does Fido Want Prozac or a Mood Ring?

Wow, this weekend really went to the dogs. Heh. Sorry, that was awful but I need way more caffeine to be any more witty than that.

Sampson and I were both ready for the yappy chihuahua to exit. We were trying to have a peaceful Saturday afternoon; me on the couch reading and Sampson trying to snooze in his bed. Every 5 minutues Yapface would think he heard something and run around the house barking like mad. Then he got pissy I wouldn't let him on the couch from which he rules his household back home. Right, I don't let my own dog and cats and my furniture and I'm going to let this annoying yapper climb all over it. It was really about dominance anyway, he wanted to literally be higher than me and the other animals in an attempt to be the pack leader.

I don't think so, Cujo. No one puts us in a corner.

After this weekend I don't need the latest money wasting invention from Japan to tell me that my animals were indeed stressed. Their latest marketing ploy is quite interesting, however. You stick a patch on the bottom of your dog or cat's paw, and it will tell you the stress level of your pet based on the amount of sweat on said paw.

Huh, doesn't that sound just like a '70s mood ring? Way cool, dude. Like, my ring was always green, what did that mean? I was horny? I was jealous? I was a jealous slut?

It's brilliant really. It's going to tell you your pet is stressed (Oh my God, it's working you think) when of fucking course your pet is stressed! You just grabbed him and stuck a foreign object on his paw. You don't think Spot and Fluffy will run around the house in a panic, trying to shake that think off its paw? Which, of course, will cause an increase in sweat, making the patch show a high stress level. Wow, that's quite a miracle product there.

To be fair, Japan does not have the market sewn up on pooch pampering. I think we have to give that prize to kooky CA, land where the dogs are just as medicated as their owners because, hey, everyone can benefit from Prozac, right?

There is some new company in LA and San Diego that is promoting "flexible dog ownership." Feel like owning a dog for a couple of hours here and there? Maybe you just want to be photographed with your adorable shih tzuahuahua peeking its fluffy beribboned and bebowed head out of your $10,000 Prada tote? No problem, just called Flexpetz to "borrow" your choice of dog for a few hours or a few days. For a small fee, of course. When you're ready to go get your half caf, nonfat, soy, no whip, grande mocha loco latte, followed by a mani-pedi, you can just give 'ol Fido back. No worries for you! No actual feeding, walking, loving, poop scooping, or any other of those bothersome dog owner duties required.

Now this place seriously annoys me. I think that the whole concept is abhorrent and cruel to dogs. To pass them around like stuffed animals is disgusting. It really breaks my heart to think of the treatment these animals will suffer. A celeb will fawn over them for a day, feeding them cake and showering them with attention briefly, only to give the poor dog back to this company to be stuck in a cage, wondering what the hell it did to deserve that. Disgusting.


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