Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Buzz Kill

Well, I had a lovely post all prepared for you today (in my head but still!) but you're not getting it.

My husband has heard those words a lot lately, and I'm so frickin' pissed I think I may just say them for the next, oh, 6 months, possibly 6 years, unless he makes some grand gesture (read: bright, shiny AND very expensive) worthy of some bedpost shaking.

I've never threatened to withhold sex in the past; it seems rather pointless because who does it really punish? Is it supposed to be one of those "This will hurt you more than it hurts me" deals that my Mom always yelled while beating my ass with a wooden spoon?

[Quick poll: How many others also got beaten with the wooden spoon? We should form a club, maybe The Wooden Spooners. Oh no wait, that sounds like geriatric porn or something. You come up with the club name and extra points if the spoon actually broke on your butt.]

Back to the rant, gah, I hate when I get distracted mid-rant. I really lose steam, quite a buzz kill. Kind of like back in high school, or maybe last night for you, and you're guzzling the Boone's Strawberry Hill crapola they have the nerve to label "wine" but you don't care 'cause hey, it's still alcoholic, and then you see a cop drive by which freaks you out so much you pour all your beautiful wine out the open car door as you drive 25 mph around town for an hour.

Or, when you're smoking some good stuff and all the sudden you realize there's too much smoke because your BFF "accidentally" set your new crochet purse with the cool wooden handles on fire. Damn.

Huh. Really got off track. Let's just go with it. What's your buzz kill (besides an annoying husband 'cause I've got that one covered)? Oh, and while we're at it, have you ever withheld sex to get what you wanted, and if so, how'd that work for ya?

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