Thursday, May 03, 2007


Kudos to tgf of Assclownopolis who correctly guessed the state the dueling asshats were from...West Virginia.

Many of you knew it had to be somewhere in the South...I really thought I gave it away by subtly implying the duelers were related due to some serious inbreeding--a well known WV trait. Peter of Holties House seriously cracked me up by guessing NY or Boston, but hey, he lives in Australia so we'll cut him some slack.

Here's how my conversation with the worst cable TV provider (Comcast) went yesterday after my cable went out at 10:45 a.m. Note that some conversations might be ever so slightly exaggerated or embellished to give you the full flavor of what I had to deal with.

Comcast Idiot: Hi, this is Darlene your Comcast representative and I hate you already.

Me: Uh, what? Look Dimwit, my cable has been out for about 2 hours now.

Comcast Idiot: Yeah? Guess you're screwed.

Me: Well, can someone come and fix it?

Comcast Idiot: Nope. Ya wanna buy our service plan? For $2000 a month it covers any problems with your internal wiring.

Me: No! There is not a problem with the wiring IN the house. I think the guys building the house next door accidentally cut the line. But, even if there was a problem with the wiring in my house, why would I have to pay to have it fixed? I think you're the one whose "internal wiring" is on the fritz.

Comcast Idiot: We got a special going on right now where you get two free digital boxes, OK?

Me: What's the catch?

Comcast Idiot: Well, they are only free for 12 months and then you have to start paying for them.

Me: Right, no thanks. When can someone fix my cable?

Comcast Idiot: Hoo boy, you're not gonna be able to watch who gets voted off that 'merican Idol show tonight. Hey, we offer phone and internet service, too. You want either of those?

Me: NO! What I want is my cable fixed. I had your %$# internet service for 2 months before I switched companies because it never worked.

Comcast Idiot: Yeah, we hear that a lot. 'K, someone will be there between 8:00 a.m. and midnight tomorrow. Ya gotta be home or they'll go away and never come back.

Me: Are you kidding me? You mother^%$#ing ass%$#s! Get out here now and fix my &*^% cable!

Comcast Idiot: Bye, ya'll have a nice day now.


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