Are You My Father?
I read an interesting article in the newspaper about "sisters" who recently found each other.
No, not long lost twins or adopted siblings but sperm donor siblings. Interesting, huh?
I'm not sure what to think about this. Technically, yes, they are sisters and I guess they have every right to find each other - and potentially several other siblings! Apparently there is even a huge sperm donor sibling registry (www.donorsiblingregistry.com) where you can go find your half-sibling.
But, are they then going to want to find their "father"? I'm not sure if that is fair...If a guy donates his sperm for money does that automatically make him a father? I don't mean in the biological sense because of course he is the father. I mean in the emotional sense of being a father. For example, is he going to have kids showing up on his doorstep saying, "Hi Dad! I'm your daughter/son!" Are they going to want a relationship with him? Is he going to be asked to pay child support??
Just found the whole thing very interesting...what do you think?
No, not long lost twins or adopted siblings but sperm donor siblings. Interesting, huh?
I'm not sure what to think about this. Technically, yes, they are sisters and I guess they have every right to find each other - and potentially several other siblings! Apparently there is even a huge sperm donor sibling registry (www.donorsiblingregistry.com) where you can go find your half-sibling.
But, are they then going to want to find their "father"? I'm not sure if that is fair...If a guy donates his sperm for money does that automatically make him a father? I don't mean in the biological sense because of course he is the father. I mean in the emotional sense of being a father. For example, is he going to have kids showing up on his doorstep saying, "Hi Dad! I'm your daughter/son!" Are they going to want a relationship with him? Is he going to be asked to pay child support??
Just found the whole thing very interesting...what do you think?
posted by Katherine @8:55 AM
6 Comments:
I think this brings to mind many reasons why I'm afraid to adopt... I won't use a donor ever-- but I say if you donate anything, anonymously it should stay that way. Period. People start this up, and little by little, "dads" will be found, somehow-- and how awful for them. :(
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I suppose really they're half sisters. I'm not sure if that will make any difference to they way they base their relationship though.
My younger brother and I have different fathers. We've also been adopted by the same man so we share the same adoptive father. I knew my birth father briefly but my brother has never known his. Perhaps that's why he tried to find him and I never have. He has told me that he just needed to know where he was from; a search for an identity.
Perhaps children fathered through sperm donation will feel the same and should be given opportunity to find birth fathers if they want to. It just goes to show how complicated the human condition is, eh?
Great questions. Complicated, yes. I expect most people come to a point in their lives when they want to know where they're coming from. "Why am I like this? Is this nature or nurture? Do I grow out of it, or do I get more fixed in my ways from here on?"
Not to mention health risks that run in the family. That would be important. (Are those supplied at the donor stage?)
Tricky.
Every case would be different, but I think a child has a right to know who his/her father is. It's not just about the father. There is the entire family history connected with that father. "Am I Dutch? Do I have a Founding Father for an ancestor?"
I find myself more and more curious about my ancestors the older I get. Traits I see in my children that were shared with a great-great relative really fascinate me. I think this is natural.
But money should be left out of it.
And expectations for a relationship should be kept low.
It's tricky. Hopefully someone with the open-mindedness to supply a woman with sperm for a child would be able to handle a visit from that child down the road.
But we don't always see twenty years into the future when we make our decisions.
I'm thinking if some college kid donates sperm to help buy books, he doesn't really want kids showing up at his door some day saying "HI DADDY!"
Okay here's the thing with me. My mother is adopted and I have no clue who my father is. Period. Now ask me how I am supposed to fill out medical papers. Oh or when people ask me, "Wow, are you Irish?" or any other race, is it lovely to then say, "Oh I'm not sure. I don't know ANYTHING about my hertiage, race, or medical known issues."?
Decisions parents make effect their kids. How is it right or just to then make the child live with that situation and tell them that they don't have the right to information?
So yes I think that a child has the RIGHT to find out biologically who their father is. I mean, just because some guy gives his sperm up for money to go get beer or food or whatever, doesn't mean that he still isn't contributing to a HUMAN LIFE.
I agree completely with David.
As for any adoption opinions. Well that's a different subject and I think it's a great idea for children that need a good family.
I just wish that these sperm donors would take it seriously. I mean your sperm is used to create a human being. A life. A person that one day may go to the same college or have the same taste in food. Maybe even inherit your family history of diabetes or alcoholism. Why should the children/lives of sperm donors have to pay for the fact that some guy didn't take it seriously. Guess what. Kids take it seriously. I mean why wouldn't they?
Sorry if it comes across harsh or argumenative but I come from a similar situation and living life like that is hard. Uncomfortable. Until you know what it's like you don't understand all the difficulties. People ask questions everyday about your family and it never feels good to have no answers.
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