Monday, May 14, 2007

I Don't Like Pickled Herring

So, another Corporate Wife Command Performance has reared its ugly head.

Once again, my husband has waited until the last minute to tell me because he knows how much I hate these things. It's not just that I'm shy and don't like to be thrust into a roomful of strangers, but more that I resent being told where to go, what to wear, who to talk to, etc. I don't like not having a choice, especially since I'm not on the payroll. And, if Asshat Corp. wants to tell me what to wear, I think they should foot the bill for the dress I'll never wear again. (God forbid you repeat an outfit.)

This week we will be dining with His Excellency, the Ambassador of Sweden, and his lovely wife at their residence in Washington D.C. It will be a very small gathering; just us, my husband's boss and his wife, and one other couple from my husband's company.

So, suggestions on what the hell to talk to them about? Unfortunately, I've never been to Sweden.
Um, how are those sky-high taxes working out for your citizens?
Gee, I just love ABBA! I saw Mamma Mia a couple of years ago.
While I'm not fond of herring, I do love most fish.

More unfortunate, based on past experience I know that my husband's boss's wife will be judging my "performance." I want to throw up already. I'm sure she's spend hours already researching Sweden and has an entire scrapbook completed. (You think I'm joking? I'm so not.)

Although this is certainly one of the more interesting "command performances," I still feel so awkward and uncomfortable. These events will never be effortless for me, and I will always resent Asshat Corp. for telling me what to do.

But hey, I guess it's better than "Black Tie Casino Night" that we're hosting in August. Can't wait to have the client look down my dress as I throw the dice. Gack.

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